Who Are The Assholes...

Who is voting against providing health care to first responders of the 9/11 attacks? There has to be a special place in hell for these people.

Gus Johnson is the man!!!

For those of you who are not familiar with Gus Johnson he is the hands down greatest announcer in sports today. Gus is great because he becomes an absolute madman when he calls big time plays. Don't believe me, enjoy some of his greatest moments.

p.s. also notice his trademark crazy laugh during some of these: "HAHA!"




http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-game-highlights/09000d5d81d072de/Jacoby-Ford-71-yard-TD





"He has got get away from the cops speed"


The famous Brandon Stockley play:


Maybe Gus' best performance:


He can even do MMA:

Why I Love My Apple TV...

Last month I purchased an Apple TV. While it's not perfect, and not a replacement for cable, it's still a pretty sweet machine and has tons of potential.

Why It's Good:
Airplay. I can stream video and audio from my laptop and to my TV. If I have family over I can play clips of Thanksgiving dinner or my grandparents dancing on their 50th wedding anniversary. My friend from college can see pictures of us from our days as undergrads or watch clips of concerts we have gone to. It's a great way to share memories.

Streaming You Tube content on a TV is super enjoyable. You Tube can be addictive on it's own, but when you are streaming on your TV it is even more so.

There is lots of good content available. between podcast, Netflix, the iTunes store and the ability to stream content from your own computer there is plenty to watch and share. But there could always be more (as you will see below).

What Are the Problems:
the keyboard on the screen is awful. A full on screen keyboard is what you have to navigate when typing and it is awful. It takes forever to type things in.

Second, you have limited content on the device. The selection of movies and TV shows available through iTunes and Netflix is pretty strong but it's not perfect by any means. i can't stream The Wire but I can get a whole bunch of Carlos Mencia stand ups - great. (p.s. I am being sarcastic).

Airplay. Airplay is great but if you keeping downloading movies, music, pictures and TV shows onto your laptop you are going to run out of room on your hard drive. Watching the amount of space on my hard drive go down is depressing, but there is a potential solution down the road (see below).

How Can It Better:
Depends on the content providers. I would love for content providers (networks such as HBO, or NBC) to provide subscriptions to their content, instead of me having to pay for individual episodes. This would be super helpful because even with Netflix and the iTunes store you can't find everything you may want to see. If content providers would cut out middle men, the cable companies, consumers could pick and choose what kind of channels we want (instead of being forced to pay for a bunch of channels we don't watch). Which brings me to my next point...

Apple TV essentially runs iOS (the operating system on iPhones, iPads and the like). Which means that hopefully, one day, apps will be available on Apple TV. ABC already has a video player app on the iPad. It would be great if I could buy an ESPN or HBO app and pay a monthly or yearly subscription for an al a carte list of shows I want to watch.

Lastly, the cloud. I complained about all the space that gets taken up on my hardrive. Hopefully Apple will move their photo, music and video ecosystems (iPhoto, iTunes) to the cloud. I will be able to stream MY content from any computer without having to take up hard drive space.

Apple has to move in this direction. More and more apple products have no storage space (Apple TV for example) or have limited space because they have flash drives (the Macbook Air, iPads and iPods). At the most you will get 64 GBs of space and that simply isn't enough. Apple has to allow users to move their content to some kind of cloud based system and I look forward to that day!

How People Describe You...

I have said this for a while but you can really tell a lot about a person by the way others describe them. That is if your willing to read between the lines. I believe that if someone describes a person by saying they are who they are - then that person is more than likely an asshole.

Here is an example of what that might sound like, "Jim is a great guy. Salt of the earth. He would give someone the shirt off of his back. Susy? She is a really sweet girl. She has a great sense of humor and is sharp as a tack. Frankie? Well, Frankie is Frankie." That description should set off an alarm for anybody. The translation is: "Frankie is a jerk and nobody likes him."

Can you think of anybody who is described using their name that people like? The answer is no.

It's basically the equivalent of somebody using Thumper's "if you dont have anything nice to say don't say anything at all" advice. We re trying to be polite about the fact that this person is annoying but we aren't exactly hiding it either. So the moral of the story is a) don't be that person and b) if you hear someone described that way, run in the opposite direction.

A Quick Thought...real quick

Slugs are essentially homeless snails. Think about it.

Billy Ray Cyrus' Revenge...

I was thinking about this the other night. remember the early 1990s when Billy Ray Cyrus was a joke. The man was a walking punchline. Achy Breaky Heart dance, the crazy mullet. Well guess who got the last laugh?

I can't believe that all these years later this guy is relevant again, if only because of his daughter.

Do you think that 18 years ago he was sitting back somewhere thinking, "yea these people are making fun of me, but wait until my little girl turns into a Disney channel sensation. Then we'll see who is laughing."

This guy's revenge/return to cultural relevancy is predicated on the fact that he was able to get someone pregnant. Well done Billy Ray Cyrus. Well done.

Kanye West...

Just some quick thoughts. When you are talented and artistic enough to produce the performance below, I think you should be allowed to walk up to as many run of the mill pop/country artist and tell them that their shit is lame!



By the way Taylor Swift, you should be sending this motherfucker royalty checks. You owe your skyrocket in popularity to this man ruining your moment by (correctly) pointing out that your music video was not as good as Beyonce's Single Ladies.

Which brings me to my last point. Who in the hell watches the MTV's Video Music Awards anyway? They don't play any fucking videos! It would be like P.E.T.A giving awards for the best steakhouses!

The year of the whole Kanye/Swift fiasco Swift won for Best Video by a Female Artist. You know who won Best Video of the Year? Beyonce!!! How is Beyonce good enough to win the best video - but not good enough to win the best video produced by someone of her own gender!!! And how is it that if someone calls this kind of nonsense out (Kanye) they get shit on for it!? I am going to stop writing now before my head explodes and my brains start running out of my ear.

Lap Dances and Welfare: Two Things That Shouldn't Go Together

It was reported in July that California welfare recipients were able to get cash (meant for food, clothes and other items) from ATMs located in strip clubs across the state.

I was outraged. Welfare debit cards have to approved for use at ATM locations. How in the hell did the state allow welfare debit cards to be used at ATMs located in strip clubs?! This is money people should be using to feed, cloth and shelter themselves and their children. Instead this money, tax payer money, was being used to pay for lap dances. Like i said, i was outraged. That is until I read that the total amount that was deducted from those ATMs was 12,000 over two years. A total of approximately just under 17 dollars a day. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t like the idea of the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families being abused. But the abuse turned out to be less than a lap dance a day and in this state we waste our money on way more stupid crap than stripper. That shouldn’t come as a shock when we live in a state that allows its welfare recipients to take out money at strip clubs.

The Flintstones Turn 50...

The Flintstones are 50 years old. The first prime time animated sitcom began 50 years ago and ran for 6 years. It was the first animated show that entertained adults, not kids. As a huge fan of animation and television history it is hard to understate the impact of The Flintstones. From The Simpson to King of the Hill (even Family guy <- I write this begrudgingly), they all owe their existence to The Flintstones. I remember watching the flintstones growing up and it was great even then. it holds up. I owe a lot to The Flintstones in terms of my artistic tastes. For me, and I am sure many others my age, The Flintstones were an evoluntionary step in terms of introducing children to adult material and themes. I love the The Simpson, Park and Recs, The Office, curb You Enthusiasm because I was introduced to The Flintstones. All that said, here are two quick pieces of Flintstones trivia:

"The Flintstones: was the first American animated show to depict two people of the opposite sex (Fred and Wilma; Barney and Betty) sleeping together in one bed.
The fact that the Rubbles adopted superstrong Bamm-Bamm (they could not have children on their own) made "The Flintstones" the first animated series in history to address the issue of infertility.

Yabba Dabba Doo my friends.

In 26 Years We're All Gonna Die (maybe)...

On Friday April 13 2029 Apophis, an asteroid the size of the Rose Bowl, will become the closest asteroid to pass by our planet in recorded history. Oh and by the way, it may hit us seven years later. Apophis is named after the Egyptian god of Death and Darkness; and for good reason.

Astronomers have determined that the asteroid has an uncertain orbit. Computer models show the asteroid’s range of orbits based on the available data. There is a range within that range called “the key hole”. If the comet passes through that key hole the asteroid will most certainly hit earth seven years later (Thursday April 13, 2036). It would hit the pacific ocean, off the coast of Santa Monica and create an unimaginable tsunami.

If you have thinks to do on your bucketlist, I would try to get those done in the next 26 years.

If you want to hear someone way smater than me talk about it. please check out the video below. I love Neil deGrasse Tyson by the way, he is like Bill Nye for adults.

Cell Phones and Washing Machines Don't Mix...

I bought some new jeans yesterday. I never wash new jeans before putting them on at least once. But these jeans had a particularly strong "funky new jeans smell." So after wearing them for just a couple of hours I decided I should wash them.

Flash forward to me getting ready for bed and looking for my cell phone. After looking in all the normal places I thought, 'Oh no! Did I put my cell phone in my jeans?"

I rarely have my cell phone in my actual pants' pocket when I am at home. It usually sits out on my coffee table. Well, not this time. This time it was definitely in my jeans and it had definitely gone through a full cycle in my washing machine. I dried it as best as i could and I am currently putting it in the a tub of rice - hoping to fully dry it out.

I am going to give it until Wednesday night and hope that it works, but as of right now my Nexus One seems to be Nexus Done.

Too Many Podcasts...

I am going to have to quit my job just so I can actually listen to all the podcasts I download each week. As of right now I typically download nineteen and a half hours worth of podcasts (This Week in Google, The Kevin and Bean Show, Adam Carolla Podcast, Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, Hollywood Babble-On: with Kevin Smith and Ralph Garman and The B.S. Report with Bill Simmons). The podcasts are a mixture of my interest in technology, old radio morning shows I used to listen to in LA, entertainment, and sports.

I love listening to all of these podcasts. i need to prep for my fantasy football league. BOOM! I listen to the B.S. Report to do my fantasy homework. Want to get the scoop on Google Me or learn how to use Gmail's new "priority inbox" efficiently? I have TWIG for that. As much as i love these shows there is no getting around the fact that 20 hours is a hell of a lot of content to go through in one week. I listen to it when i drive, while I get ready in the morning, for 30 minutes each night before I go to bed, when I go for walks...

I am crushed under the weight of podcasts. It's so easy to find something that you are really into and interesting personalities. I love Kevin smith but the man produces nearly eight hours of content a week! It's story-telling overload!

To make my dilemma worse, I have actually cut the number of podcasts I download down. I also used to download Meet The Press (now I just watching the online webcast) and the Parent Experiment; and no, i don't have any good explanation for why I was listening to a parenting podcast.

Patriots Don't Pick And Choose...

I am a political science major and someone who tries to be reasonable about politics and our world. Which is why the recent backlash against a proposed mosque near the site of the September 11 attacks has been so frustrating. Here are my problems with those who are protesting:

1. The mosque is being tied to radical muslim figures. however, what people are failing to mention is that the figure that is consistently being mentioned, but not by name (Iman Rauf), is the second largest shareholder in NEWCORP (aka FOX). How radical and extremist can the man be when he is the second largest shareholder in FOX! Unless this is some kind of Russel Edgington (True Blood reference) type of psych out, this is an argument with no teeth.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Extremist Makeover - Homeland Edition
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

The second is that the tragedy of 9/11 is so very real and painful that building a mosque so close to the site of the attacks is rubbing salt in the wound. here is my problem with that. First, it associates Islam with what the attackers of 9/11 did. This of course continues an incredibly stupid and damaging cycle of "the terrorist were muslim, they did it because of Islam, Islam is bad, muslims are terrorist." I mean that whole it's too close to the site argument really boils down to "i have tied Islam to this negative experience. I blame is Islam and thus I don't want it around the site." The fact is that what these people did was because they were psychos and not because they were muslim.

Third argument. the LA Times quoted a protestor as saying:

"Everyone has closure when they lose someone," said O'Shea, a paralegal. "We'll never have closure."

That simply isn't true.

Not everyone has closure after a traumatic event. in fact most people don't. People are more likely to find peace after a traumatic event, not closure. Closure is about something you receive from others, which we can't count on happening. While, finding peace about giving something to yourself through meaningful, thoughtful reflection and resiliency. The problem is we have become "soft" (for lack of a better word) as a nation. We don't want to deal with negative things, or things that make us think and challenge us. so we do crap like this were we find the dumbest freaking argument in order to avoid thinking critically. Which brings me to my next point...

YOU ARE NEW YORKERS! You people are supposed to be the "toughest, thickest skinned, bring em on, we don't care what you think or do" people in our country. And now you can't emotionally deal with a completely unrelated mosque being built two blocks from the site of WTC. C'mon. If you can deal with this, if you can't find peace and resolve to move forward without having this single event (continue) to change the geography of your city, what hope is there for the rest of us?

Fourth, another protester said:

"They want to build a memorial to the terrorists before a memorial to the victims."

This proves my first point. Also, this whole thing about a memorial victim has nothing to do with this issue. If anything this proves, again, our lack of resolve and ability to get things done.

Lastly, patriots don't pick and choose the principles that we choose to uphold. The reason they are so meaningful is because they are supposed to guide us in difficult moments. This nation was founded on the principles of religious tolerance and this is as good a test as any of that principle. It would be a shame if we failed it. Those towers may no longer stand but we must have the courage to stand. To stand for principles that have guided us. To show the resolve to live by those principles even when they are painful, because it's the right thing to do.

The Power of Family...

I realized this week, just yesterday in fact, that in the near future I will play a patriarchal role in my family. Both sides. Mom and dad's. While my family has churned out incredibly strong and intelligent women who play leading roles in their families, there is always this reverence and respect for my grandfathers. Normally, that reverence and respect would be passed down to their children (their male children) upon their passing. But I don't think that will happen. Their have been too many public indiscretions and too many character flaws for them to be candidates.

I on the other hand, because of the level of education I have achieved and the type of work I do, am someone who elicits a sense of pride and trust from my family. I believe that they would be more than willing to trust me with playing a role in leading our family.

Maybe I have always subconsciously known this. Maybe that's why I worry about them as much as I do. It's probably why I have always felt a sense of responsibility and duty. Maybe that's why I try to help family as much as I can. Maybe that's why I have always feel guilt when I think of family members as burdens. Maybe I get anxious about my ability to love and care, because at some point it will be my job to move our family, in it's totality, into the future. And I want to do so in a way that shows care and love for all of my family, not just parts of it.

Maybe, I am just over thinking things. Maybe there is no such thing as a patriarch in my family. Maybe it's just a projection of my own making used to make sense of how my family interacts with itself.

Whatever the case is, I want to be like my grandfather Cecilio. I want to be a good son, cousin, nephew, uncle (and eventually father) in order to honor him. Everyone loves and admires him. He is, in many ways, our rock. he doesn't say much, but when he does you know he means it and you should be listening. He never says "I love

you". Never. Hearing him say those words is the Holy Grail of our family.

"I love you Papa Chilo"

"Me too."

But he doesn't have to say it. Because his actions speak louder than his words ever could. We know he loves us because of the way he loves us. We don't have to hear it. Our hearts know it. I had to ask him for a favor today. In an attempt to help someone else out I needed a favor from him and my grandmother. After explaining the situation to my grandmother she passed the phone to him. I explained once more. I told him, as I told my grandmother, that I was embarrassed to ask him for this favor. He immediately put me at ease. "OK. Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure? I know you generous but this also isn't anything concerning you, so if you don't want to please don't feel obligated to..."

"Don't worry we will take care of it Sunday."

It's not just that he is willing to help, it was his ability to take away the embarrassment I felt. One moment I felt ashamed. I felt like a beggar. The next moment I felt loved and cared for. Maybe that's why we love him and my grandmother so much. I want to be that for the people I care about. Whether they be family or otherwise. When my days are done I hope that I will have done enough so that the people I care about know that I loved them.

Last Thought On Flying (for now)...

Traveling on an airplane is the opposite of riding a school bus. Forget about the obvious difference that one is flying and one is driving. Think about the following:
On a bus there aren't even seatbelts. On an airplane you are consistently beaten about the head about safety measures. You are reminded what to do in case of water landings, if air pressure becomes low. Chimes consistency remind you to sit down and buckle in.

On a school bus there is nothing but energy. Kids are practically standing on the seats shouting and yelling across the bus. No one is every trying to sleep on a school bus. Hell, with all the noise from the kids I often wondered how a school bus driver could concentrate long enough to keep the thing on the road. A flight is the complete opposite. There is zero energy. People pay 9 dollars for a drink in hopes of being drunk enough to fall asleep on the plane. And even if you don't fall asleep no one talks anyone. People barely make eye contact with one another. People pray that they don't even have to sit next to anybody.
No two forms of transportation could be as disparate as a school bus and a commercial airplane.

Don't Do Nice Things For Your Children....

In my last post I lamented the future disappointment of a child who has been led to believe she has superpowers. When that child finds out that they don't control flight they are going to be incredibly disillusioned. Who cares about being able to hang upside down on the monkey bars when you though you could make airplanes shake with your mind?!

Well, I noticed a similar scenario at Dodger Stadium. I noticed a family that was having dinner on the field of Dodger Stadium after the game. The sun was beaming, round tables were covered with beautiful white cloth and chefs in aprons and hats prepared food. All the while three children, two girls around 13 and 11, and a little boy no older than 8, ran around the foul area between home and third base. Then I noticed that All-Star left fielder Andre Ethier was on the field with them. He went up to the kids. signed some balls and then he joined them and their parents at the dinner table!
Some people might have looked at this scene and thought. Wow, what a great moment for those kids. what an awesome day for them. not me though. All I kept thinking was, "how bummed out are they going to be the next time they go out to dinner."
I can see it now...
Dad yells upstairs, "Kids were going out to dinner!"
The kids run to the top of the stairs all abuzz with excitement.
"We are going to Chuck E. Cheese." The kids look puzzled. The youngest asks, "Chuck E. Cheese?"
"Yea, it's going to be great. Aren't you excited," dad asks.
"Who is going to be there", questions the 13 year old.
"Well, just us honey."
The 11 year old girl chimes in, "So no professional athletes? What about a famous actor or actress? Lady Gaga?"
Once the kids realize that it's just a regular night out they will attack.
"What gives old man! You call this quality time with your kids!?!? Don't you love us?"

Those parents have set the bar way too high now. How are they going to top that? Everything they do from now on is going to pale in comparison to that moment. Their children are going to be so underwhelmed by the rest of their lives it won't even be funny. What's worse is that other people are going to be held to those same lofty standards and expectations. Can you imagine having to take anyone of those girls to prom? You better have Shaq, Kobe or LeBron as your driver. If not she is going to be unimpressed.

Here is my point, if you are a parent, set your kids expectations low. Don't do things with them at such a young age that th rest of their life experiences seem bland. Its gotta be tough when you're eight years old and the rest of your life is all down hill.

Disillusioned Children

As I have noted, I have been traveling recently. There was a small child crying as my flight into Raleigh, North Carolina approached its landing. The kid must have been about five years old and was fidgeting and crying. And rightfully so, it was a very turbulent landing. The child's mother was anxious to have her kid stop squirming and crying so she told her child, "Look what you are making the plane do."

She actually said this to the kid.

She told her daughter that the plane was shaking uncontrollably because she couldn't stop crying. Now some people would argue that this was a traumatic and horrible thing to do to your child. 'What kind of parent puts that kind of guilt on their child', my friends say. But I am not concerned with the trauma and the guilt caused by this act. No. in fact, I have an almost opposite reaction.

What if this kid grows up to think she has superpowers? She is going to her kindergarten class on Monday proclaiming, "I can control airplanes!" How bummed is that kid going to be when she realize she doesn't? Or even worse, how scared is she going to be when she does behave during a planes descent and there is still turbulence?

That parent shouldn't be yelled at for scaring their kid, they should be chastised for setting their little one up for unbelievable disappointment when find out that you can't control airplanes.

MTV and Teen Pregnancy...

Just a quick thought. What should I be more concerned about:

1. That it seems like 1/3 of all of MTV's programming centers around teen pregnancy or,

2. That there are enough pregnant teens in this country to account for 1/3 of MTV's programming?

I mean this is crazy right? It's MTV - MUSIC TELEVISION!

Can you imagine if you went back in time to 1990 and told somebody, "hey you know MTV? Well in twenty years you won't be able to watch music videos on there because they will be too busy showing TV shows about pregnant 16 years and 20 year olds who are constantly drinking, sleeping with each other and getting into fights."

Here is the strange thing about MTV. They are largely responsible for creating a generation of short attention spanned, attention hungry derelicts and now their programming consists of them filming said derelicts and showing them off to a new generation of future blights on society. MTV is the entertainment version of a snake eating it's own tail.

Seriously MTV, stop with the pregnant teen programming. It's depressing and scummy...even for you.

Some Thoughts on Flying...

Last week I flew out to Toledo, Ohio. On my connector flights to and from Chicago Midway I had crying children in the row in front of me. This got me thinking. Why don't we shame parents that bring toddlers and babies on flights longer than an hour and a half?

Am I wrong in saying that bringing a baby or a toddler on a plane is inconsiderate. Maybe it's just me, but when you decide to have a kid you have forfeited your right to be a normal person for at least 5 years. That means there are restrictions on taking your kids flying, taking them to movies so on and so forth. It's not punishment. It's common courtesy. No one wants to be trapped in a movie theater with a crying child. And that sentiment goes double for being trapped in a metal tube hurdling through the air at 500 miles per hour. Seriously, this isn't like a movie were you can leave the theater if your kid gets out of handed. The parent, the baby and everyone else are trapped on the freaking plane, we can't move, we can't walk out.

So here is my plan. Have small camera is those overhead compartments with the lights and the air ventilation things. When a kid starts uncontrollably crying a flight attendant turns on the camera and the whole scene is broadcast throughout the plane. Now, this may seem strange but let me explain. One, it shames parents. It will hopefully make someone think twice before they travel with their screaming bundle of joy. Second, it lets the rest of the plane know whats going on. Nothing is worse than not being able to see what is causing all this crying. I sat through this plane flight thinking, "is the kid hungry, are they uncomfortable, are the performing a circumcision on a new born?" I need answers. I wan't to know why this already uncomfortable flight is being made even more torturous. Best case scenario some other parents on the plane can shout out advice or instructions that will help calm the kid down.

Lastly, I was flying Southwest which has Spirit Magazine. I have never actually opened the thing. But while I was on the flight someone sitting across the aisle I saw that there was a "Letter to the Editor" page. I was dumb founded. Who in the hell rights a letter to Spirit Magazine! Who has the time, the energy and most importantly, motivation to write a response letter to Spirit Magazine. I hope to God that none of those letters are real.

More flying observations and rants to come...

Pauly Shore Is Motivational...

Pauly Shore has a new movie coming out.

That's right. It's 2010 and Pauly Shore has a new movie coming out.

Yes, that Pauly Shore.

At first I was amazed and confounded. But the more I thought about it, the happier I was. The fact that in this day and age Pauly Shore can still have a movie coming out (even if it is direct to Netflix) gives me hope.

I see a lot of inspirational and uplifting stories. People who have lost limps who still compete in Iron Men and Iron Women events, cancer survivors who fight everyday, the autistic kid who fights his way onto the basketball team. Those stories and incredibly and those people should be lauded for their efforts. But at the end of it I feel bad about myself.

All I think is, "here are people was worse off than me, have all these obstacles and yet are achieving more than I can. I am a loser."

I don't have to deal with any of that when it comes to Pauly Shore. Pauly Shore is someone who has "less" but doesn't "work hard" and yet still succeeds. So why is he inspirational. Stay with me (and my low self-esteem for a second).

Puly Shore gives hope to people like me! His story gives me hope. It give me hope that maybe I can hang around long enough to have my marginal talents and abilities (coupled with a so-so work wthic) turn into moderate success. Yes, Pauly Shore is proof that with minimal talent and little work ethic, you too can some how stumble aimlessly into success. And for the average Joe, that's motivation!

You Know You Live In A Good Neighborhood When...

So last week I was at breakfast when I saw a family of 5. A husband and wife and their three children. The kids were loud and energetic as they are prone to do. They ran around the patio area loud and full of life. And I am sure that at 9 in the morning their energy was probably frustrating and annoying for most of the patrons out on the patio. Well, long story short as they were trying to herd there kids the parents decided that they needed to go get coffee and a bunch of other stuff. So they decided to go back into the coffee shop with two of them and just left one of them outside sitting by themselves.

All I kept thinking was, "you know you live in a good neighborhood when you can choose to be a negligent parent."

I mean seriously, this is the parenting equivalent of being able to leave your front door unlocked because you live in a neighborhood were you don't have to worry about break in thefts. How do you just leave your kid alone for three minutes on a patio while eating a bagel? It must be nice to not have to worry about these types of things. I remember one time my mom dropped my brother and I off at my grandparents for a sleep over. As we met my grandmother in the drive way a man covered in blood ran in front of us screaming unintelligibly. And I am not being over dramatic when I say he was covered in blood. The man's entire face and shirt was covered in blood. My grandmother and mom looked at each other, there was a pause, and then my mom said, "all right I will come by to pick them up in a couple of days." Ha!

Bad parenting is relative, or it can be anyway. In bad neighborhoods it is leaving your kids with relative while blood drenched people run around screaming. In a nice town like La Jolla, it's leaving our kids alone out side a bagel shop unattended.

By the way, the kid is clearly 5 or 6 and is already eating food that I didn't eat until I was 21. Unbelievable.

The Boss and The Fourth of the July...

I know I am a little late here, but I am going to put it out there anyway. People need to stop playing Born in the USA on the Fourth of July. Because of the upbeat rock tempo and the chorus people think that it's the perfect red, white and blue tune to mark our independence day. Clearly those folks have never payed attention to the lyrics. The song chronicles the life of a man forced to fight in Vietnam, his experiences during the war and the harsh realities he finds when he comes back home. Here are some sample lyrics...

Got in a little home town jam

So they put a rifle in my hand

Send me off to a foreign land

to go and kill the yellow man

did I mention he can't find a job when he get home:

Come back home to the refinery
Hiring man says "Son if it was up to me"
I go down to see the V.A. man
He said "Son don't you understand"

not depressed yet... how about this towards the end of the song:

Out in the Shadow of the penitentiary

out by the gas fires of the refinery

ten years down the road

nowhere to run to

ain't got nowhere to go

Now maybe it's just me but I wouldn't exactly be blaring this from my speakers while I am BBQing, waving the flag or holding a sparkler. Don't get me wrong I love the song and think it's an important reminder of that era and of the way we should treat our veterans when they return home. But there is a time and place for everything, and the Fourth of July isn't the right time for Born in the U.S.A. It's not like I am going to walk into VA Hospital anytime soon and show Born on the Fourth of July, so why would I play this song on the Fourth. By the way watch the trailer to see what Tom Cruise and Kyr Sedgwick looked like 21 years ago.

Anyway, to be fair to people confused about the song's meaning I got blame Bruce a bit for this. The video is fucking confusing. Having a video with kids going to proms and enjoying 5 year olds blowing out birthday cake candles and a father and child enjoying a carnival ride is going to send mixed messages. Link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPudiBR15mk

How Does This Make Any Sense...

So after watching the World Cup for the last two weeks I have come to a single conclusion. Watching players complain to referees during these games is the most puzzling thing in sports. In a game between Slovokia and the U.S. you have players getting in the face of officials from Italy and the Netherlands. While watching this all i can think is, "there's no way these people can understand each other right?" They might as well be playing pictionary or charades with one another. I am just saying.

I Travel Where the Terrorist Don't

I have made my summer travel arrangements! I will be headed to Toledo, Ohio and Raleigh, North Carolina. It may not sound like the most fun destinations when you compare it places like Chicago, Miami, New York, Boston, but it's got fun people that I care about and that's all that matters.
Here is the other upside. I am confident that my plane will not have terrorists on it. I feel a 100 percent confident that no terrorist has ever though/said: 'we need to hijack a plane. I know, let's hijack the one going to Toledo, Ohio.' My vacation destinations totally fly under the terrorists' radar. No pun intended. I don't think there are going to be any attacks on North Carolina anytime soon. By the way, if the terrorists really wanted to go after the infidels why wouldn't they attack the midwest and south. The south is populated by white, conservative christians and yet no attacks from muslim extremists. Instead they are constantly attacking large metropolitan areas filled with muslims, liberals, people of color, so on and so forth.

Anyway, good people, good times and no terrorists plots. Three ingredients for a perfect vacation. Well, that and these two characters:

Firsts...

This year (more specifically the last few months, has seen quite a number of "firsts" for me. For instance, it took me nearly 27 years for me to have my first grilled cheese sandwich. I gotta tell ya, it lived up to the hype. How could two pieces of bread and cheese taste so darn good. throw in a couple of chicken strips on the side and you have a meal fit for a five year old. Just two weeks ago I had another dining related first. My first trip to the Olive Garden. I couldn't believe the looks of shock and disgust I have gotten from my friends when I told them I had never been to Olive Garden. It was OK. Nothing to write home about (but worthy of an honorable mention here on the blog).

Which brings me to some other first. Six years ago I went on my first airplane trip. LA > SAC. I was definitely nervous. the thought of being a 21 year old with no traveling experience getting inside a metal and plastic tube and being hurdled through the year was enough to make me uneasy. But I served. During my stay in Sacramento I experienced another first. My first bagel. Yup I was 21 when I had my first bagel. A lot of people don;t believe me when I say this or they are incredulous with their response but you can't blame me. I come from a mexican family. We don't eat bagels. We have pan dulce or tortillas with everything. By the way we also have rice with just about every damn meal. We don;t need to introduce any more carbs into our diet.

I am usually "late to the dance" when it comes to doing things. For example, I was 21 when I got my drivers license.

Well, a week after turning 27 its fun to think of what other "delayed" firsts are headed my way.

Krispy Kreme

Last week I went to Krispy Kreme and picked up 15 dozes donuts (don't ask). However, I have noticed something about going to Krispy Kreme. Nobody is happy to work there. It's the strangest thing in the world. You have all these beautiful pastries. It smells like a dream. Everyone is in white. And yet, when you look at the employees they are just dead behind the eyes. Thy look like they want to put their head in that little oven conveyor belt thing. Everyone looks like they are indentured servants. I just imagine them sleeping in the store and never being allowed to leave. I'm not kidding. Whenever I walk in there I feel like I should refer my cashier to the suicide help hotline.
I have only seen Krispy Kreme employees happy ONCE! I was ordering 20 dozen donuts and a FORMER employee came in. I got completely ignored midway through my order and everyone came from behind the counter and mobbed this woman. The smiles on their faces were from ear to ear. I can't even do the smiles justice. They were giddy. It was the kind of giddiness that little kids get on Christmas morning. They went up to her and hugged her, kissed her on the cheek and just chatted it up while I just stood there watching. They looked at her as if to say, "oh my God, how did you escape. Why are you risking it by coming back her. But while you are here tell us how you managed to get out of here! Quick! The person keeping us here went out for a smoke..."

Things I Didn't Think I'd Hear and One Hit Wonders...

I have a new running theme that I look forward to each day. I wait to hear the most absurd comment that there is no way I could have guessed I would have heard when I woke up that morning. For example, yesterdays winner:

"I don't kid around when it comes to hand jobs." There is no way I could have guessed anyone would have told me that yesterday and that it would have made perfect sense. I am going to try to keep track of these and share them as good ones come along.

Also yesterday I was driving in my car and I heard the song Crush by Jennifer Paige. First thoughts, "holy crap. It has been YEARS since I have heard this song." I felt like I was in some kind of weird time machine. The only question was, how far back in time did I travel. Well crush came out in 1998 which puts me at the ripe old age of 15. Listening to this song also made me think, are there anymore One Hit Wonders? I feel like if you have one hit song now you are guaranteed at least one more because radio stations or MTV will just shove the music and the artist it down your throat. There is no way Jennifer Paige is just a one hit wonder if she comes out in 2007 or 2008. She has at least another hit and then a moderate hit on a second album right. Maybe she gets hooked up with rapper and parlays that into a fourth top 40 song. I'm just saying - is she any worse than the other pop acts we have now? No - but some how these people hang around like a bad case of herpes.

It's incredible to me that in an age were music is so disposable the artist aren't. Pop artist just keep hanging around and hanging around and hanging around. Ms. Paige you were just a few years too soon or you could have had a career spanning atleast a couple of years.

Things I Don't Want To Know...

I was hanging out with a friend on Friday night and they shared this little tidbit with me. "1 out of every 4 people under the age of 78 dies from some form of cancer." The person threw out this statistic out of nowhere. We weren't talking about death or cancer. Dropping random factoids into conversations is what this person does. For example, did you know that pigeons and cats have the greatest genetic diversity among animals. Thats the type of off the wall info I get from this friend. But thats not exactly my point here. My point is that if you know something like that cancer stat - keep it to yourself!

Yes, I know its an interesting fact but no one wants to hear about how their going to die! You know why dogs are so happy? Because they don't realize that they only have 10-13 years to live. Its Friday night and people are having a good time. No need to be Dr. Death and have me start worrying about what form of cancer is going to kill me. I've said it once and I will say it again. There are just somethings I don't want to know. It's a curse to be smart. Having too much information/knowledge makes you, what I call, "hyper-aware". People who are too smart can't act without over thinking/analyzing everything. They can't relax. They are stress balls. Life is easier when you are dumb. If I want to know about causes of death I will look at a medical publication. Other than that, let me be unaware. As the old adage says, ignorance is bliss: especially when it comes to telling me how I am going to die.

Proactive Commercials...

Proactiv is a creme that is sold with the promise that it cures acne. When I first saw the Proactiv commerical its spokesperson was P. Diddy of all people. Diddy needed Proactiv to keep his sexy right. You don't understand the man needed to protect his silk smooth skin!

As ridiculous, and LONG, as these commercials can be the thing that bugs me is the use of regular people and celebrities in these things. The celebrity talk about how they were horrified to walk on the red carpet or be on a photo shoot because they had a "break out." Thats the actual photo of Katy Perry they used as an example of her acne "problem".

They then cut to a regular Joe who looks like Two-Face to give their testimonial. I wonder how those people feel when they watch these commercials. How pissed must they be? I would be f'ing insulted to watch a celebrity make a big deal about a few pimples when my face looks like a pizza! And what about the people watching. If people with real acne felt bad about their looks before they must be absolutely devastated after watching Proactiv commercials. Do they even sell any of their kits or do they just drive all their potential clients to suicide?

The Return of Randy Moller's Goal Calls...

Enjoy...

Kobe v Lebron: Its no comparison...

To all the Laker fans critiquing Lebron: don't make comparisons to Kobe. Lebron deserves a lot of the crap he is getting but lets get the facts straight. Kobe wasn't expcted to be the best player on his team until 2004 and he stunk up the NBA finals that year. Kobe was fortunate enought to be surrounded by the most dominant center of all time, a tremendous coach, winners like Robert Horry and Jerry West as GM who acted as training wheels for Kobe.
Lebron has been asked to be the best player on his team since day one.

And as far as bad playoff performances lets not forget some Kobe's absolute embarassments: 2004 finals games 3-5, 2008 finals games 4 and 6, and games seven v The Suns. I am not saying Lebron is better or that he shouldn't be criticized for his performance but let's not forget that Kobe had more time to grow and always had more tools and when he didn't have those tools he struggled. So to all the people saying, "Kobe struggled in the playoffs but he had three rings" let's not compare. It took Kobe five years in his prime and an unbelievably one sided trade to get Kobe back to the top of the mountain.

But if you are going to compare then lets do it:

Imagine creating a supporting cast draft. The rules are simple, you take the best player off of all the teams that were still alive at the beginning of Thursday (Boston, Cleveland, Lakers, Suns and Magic) and then you draft the best available player from pool consisting of the remaining players roster. If you did that how many picks someone selects a Cleveland Caviler? Honestly. How long until some takes Antwan Jamison (who I would argue is the second best player on that team? You would have to put the following players ahead of him: Lamar Odom, Andrew Bynum, Pao Gasol, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Vince Carter, Jameer Nelson, Amare Stodamire, Jason Richardson (hell maybe even Rashard Lewis). The truth is if you had this draft there wouldnt be a Cav taken in the top 10!!! Dude doesn't have help. Thats just the truth.

Could you imagine Kobe without Pao Gasol...I can because thats what happened in in 2006-2007. Without a legit center (Kwame Brown) and without a point gaurd (Smush Parker) dude got bounced in the first round!!! And not just 2006-2007 but also in 2005-2006. He did have Lamar Odom (the Lakers answer to Antwan Jamison. Again, Kobe has had this period in his career too. When he was handed a bad team and he struggled in the playoffs in terms of success.

We can criticize his leadership and we can criticize the role he plays on his team (for instance maybe he needs to let his point gaurd be the primary distributor - not him) but it is way out of bounds to say Lebron isn't a championship type player until he is given championship type pieces to compliment him.

Somethings I Have Learned About Myself...

1. I am a horrible judge of milk pouring. I always ruin my cereal by pouring too much milk. I can never do it right. I always think, "its not enough milk" or "maybe just a little more" and then I finish I look at the jug of milk I have basically poured half the gallon into this damn bowl. If anyone has any tips please let me know.

2. No matter how bad a day I have at work I know I didn't have nearly as bad a day as now former light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida. As frustrating and soul crushing as my job may be I never look like this afterwards...

Random Thoughts...

1. Iron Man 2 is a good movie. I was nervous this weekend when I saw some friends say that they thought it was just an OK movie. But I went to go see it Sunday morning and I sat there waiting to be disappointed. I absolutely loved the first 45 minutes of the movie, and the rest of it too of course, but especially the first 45 minutes. I am not usually a summer blockbuster person, and I am usually disappointed by comic book movies. Plus, I was super afraid of Micky Rourke going over the top playing a Russian villain, but I thought this sequel was pulled off really well. Great actors, a lot of laughs and the action sequences were cool without dragging on forever (which is a pet peeve of mine).

2. I love Kevin Smith. I just love listening to hear him talk. The next time he is anywhere in Southern California giving one of his lectures I am there.

3. What is wrong with Brett Michaels. I felt bad a couple of weeks ago because after learning that he suffered a brain hemorrhage I made a "every rose has its thorn jokes." Everyone looked at me like was an a-hole, which was the correct response. But then I see a People Magazine at the grocery store and I see this picture...

I look at the inset picture (the one taken in the hospital) and all I could think was, "what the f***? Are you serious? Even after a brain hemorage this dude still rocking a bandana?" Does he really think he is fooling any of us into thinking he isn't bald. And by the way, even if he is concerned with people seeing he is going bald, you can give it a rest after you almost died. You should really just be focused on your health at that point. I'm just sayin'.

80s Night...

Tonight was a surreal experience. I went out to put gas in my car and go grocery shopping. I pull into the ARCO station and as I open the door and put my foot out of the car the first guitar licks from ZZ Top's Sharp Dressed man played. Freaking awesome. It was like I was in a movie. A comedy, of course. No better comedic timing than having a guy in gym shorts and a white shirt get out of his car while Sharp Dressed Man is playing.

Link to Sharp Dressed Man

Fast forward to the checkout counter at the Grocery Store. The checkout woman, who looks like she is maybe in her late twenties asks me what I am listening to. I tell her I am listening to a news podcast. She looks at me and says, "you mean you're not listening to My Girl Wants to Party All the Time by Eddie Murphy. Thats my favorite song of all time."

Thats right. Her favorite song of all time is Part All the Time by Eddie Murphy. Awesome. She told me that it always makes her want to dance and she can't be in a bad mood when she hears it. My friends, please enjoy Mr. Murphy at the peak of his musical powers (notice the cameo by Rick James). One of the best worst music videos ever. I love how psyched everyone gets over Eddie's vocals stating at the 2:50 mark.

This is Why...

Why are my beloved Dodgers in such bad shape? Why are the struggling at every turn? I have the answer. Driving out of LA on 5 freeway and I saw this. I was in fucking shock!!!

Over the last month I have been trying to decide which is the more embarrassing association I have in my life: being a catholic or being a Dodger fan? Well this made my decision easy - being a Dodger fan.

Why in God's good name would the advertising team ever - I mean EVER - allow Justin fucking Beiber to be part of the marketing campaign for one of the greatest and most storied baseball franchises in history. He is fucking 15 and Canadian. Has he ever been to a baseball game? This is a million times worse than the Angels decision to let a monkey be the face of their franchise for 10 years! Seriously, a monkey was a better marketing decision than this!

Frank McCourt has got to be the worst owner in all of sports. He can't afford a decent veteran starter but he hires staff who will sign off on this kind of bullshit pandering.

And who is this kind of advertising meant for? Have the people who decided this was a good idea ever gone to a Dodger game. Look at your fans for Christ's sake. How many of the bald dudes, with Raider tattoos and wearing loc sunglasses are buying Justin Beiber albums? How many of the middle aged Jewish men who go to games have "Beiber fever"?

The Dodgers - dare I say it - are doomed. At least until that billboard comes down.

Preferred Parking...

Preferred parking. For years people try to entice us with the offer of preferred parking. But is preferred parking that great? Not really. Preferred parking allows you to park closer to the venue. But is that a good thing. At then end of a concert or a game I don't want to be farthest away from the exit, I want to be closest to the exit. Nothing is worse than realizing that you have payed an extra 15 dollars to fight everyone who parked general admission to get out of the freaking parking lot.

From now on there should be a preferred "get me the hell out of this parking lot" parking. I don't care how they do it. Airlift my car out of the parking lot. Invest in the creation of some kind of escape pods for people who pay for the preferred parking. What about some kind of secret tunnel.

All I am saying is that preferred parking is a scam. The 5 minutes I save walking isn't worth the eternity it takes to get the hell out of The Verizon Amphitheater.

Birthdays...

So I was thinking recently...Has facebook ruined the act of wishing someone a happy birthday? Wishing someone a happy birthday was traditionally a sign that someone had invested the time and energy needed to remember your birthday, mark it on the calendar, go to a store and buy a card or even go online and find an e-card to send.

But facebook has ruined all that.

Wishing someone a happy birthday is only part of it value. Its real worth comes in knowing that someone has burned some calories in order to remember your birthday and send a message. Wishing someone a happy birthday shouldn't be too easy. I want to know that the person sending me a birthday message had put some time and energy into remembering my birthday. Facebook undermines that.

People no longer need to put their friend's birthdays on a calendar. People no longer need to remember their friend's birthday. Facebook is doing for birthdays what cell phones did for phone numbers. People don't need to remember either because technology will remember it for them. Facebook removes the value from someone wishing you a happy birthday. I honestly get a bigger kick out of someone sending me a happy birthday text three days late then someone writing a note on my wall. Why? Because I figure that the person who sent the text actually had to burn some calories in order to remember my birthday. With the facebook wall post I don't know if the person actually remembered my birthday or if they saw a reminder while they were stalking someone from high school.

Old People Can Be Cocky...

I was at Costco last week buying some items for work when I noticed something. I was the youngest person in the Costco by, oh I don't know, at least a prehistoric period. I didn't mind. The driving around the parking lot was complicated by little old ladies trying to look over the steering wheel. Cute little elderly couples shuffling their feet as they try, emphasis on the word try, to move swiftly through the aisles. But thats OK by me. It's nice to see older folks out and about. But then it dawned on me, what are people with one foot in the grave doing at a place that sells things in bulk?

When it comes right down to it is a mixture of cockiness and defiance. 'F*** you Grim Reaper - this 74 year old is planning on living long enough to finish these eight 5 gallon jugs of Clamato.' I was impressed and put off all at once. I kept thinking if I were this old there is no way I am buying anything in bulk. I know tomorrow isn't guaranteed to anyone, but come on, a seventy year old buying what amounts to a years worth of soup? Thats confidence!

Savoring Life...

So I have been reading a book called The Jesuit Guide To (Almost) Everything. It is written by Father James Martin, S.J. He has recently been in the media because he has rebuked Glenn Beck's claims that social justice has no place in religion. I have really enjoyed the book. I am a very slow reader and one who gets distracted/bored easily. So reading a 130ish pages in two days is a pretty good indicator that I have enjoyed the book.

However, there have been a handful of times when the book has, for some reason or another made me contemplate my own mortality. I would begin to get nervous at the idea of death. I worry about falling ill, or losing my memory, becoming a burden for others. Yet when I really sit down and think about it I think I fear something else. I fear not fully enjoying my life. One of the tenants of the book is this idea of reflecting on our day, or what Father Martin calls being contemplative in action. In short to be contemplative in action means be able to reflect upon all the aspects of your daily life, the good, the bad, the banal. Its about taking the time to appreciate the good and beautiful things in your life and being aware of the bad parts too. Its about taking the time to reflect on the people in your life and how you interact with them. Contemplating the things that made you happiest and peaceful, while at the same time taking the time to think about the areas in which you have failed and need to improve.

I've said before that life isn't always fun and that life is difficult. I still hold that to be true. But at the same time I am being reminded that just because life can be hard and busy doesn't mean that I can't or shouldn't take the time to enjoy it. I should take the time to think about my day and my life and all that it is. Because at the end of the day life is like a good meal. A good meal is something you sit with, something you savor and appreciate and it should be the same with the lives we lead. So after sitting with this for a few days I have decided that I should be more contemplative in action. To think about myself as a person, about my desires, my short comings and appreciating my reality. Now I realize that it wasn't so much death I feared, as much as it was letting my life go by without taking the time to enjoy it.

My Scene...

Someone asked me today what my scene is and I replied, "my scene is that I have no scene." And I dont mean that in the I am too cool to be part of a scene, I am just to lazy and introverted to have ever done anything to be part of a scene. Being part of a scene means burning calories. Scenes mean developing a look, following a lifestyle, going places and having to talk to people. That sounds like a lot of work. I wish I had the motivation to be part of scene but I just don't have the energy or commitment. I need to find a scene that I can do from my couch. Is watching HBO on a Sunday a scene?

Running to Get Home..

It's sold out!!! For the first time in history the L.A. Marathon is sold out and many people are thanking the newly developed LA Marathon route for the increased registration sales. In the past the route had been essentially a circle that began and ended by the Los Angeles Coliseum. This year planners developed the "Stadium to the Sea" concept, creating a route starting at Dodger Stadium that ends at the Santa Monica Pier and hits all kinds of landmarks along the way.
I loved the idea when I first heard it but I had one question. After running 26.2 miles, and I supposed to run another 26.2 miles to get back to my car? The answer is no. Apparently you are supposed to arrive and park at the Santa Monica pier and then you have to be shuttled over to Dodger Stadium. Participants are being asked to arrive an hour and a half early. That seems like a lot of work to run a race is that is so long that it allegedly killed the guy the race is named after.

But I guess this will serve as motivation to finish the race. You'll have to if you ever want to get back home! No quitting the L.A. Marathon this year, not if you ever want to see you car again. As matter of fact your car is pretty much a deposit on finishing the race this year. And think of the traffic trying to get out of that place. Maybe next year they will have a new slogan for the L.A. Marathon.
THE 2011 L.A. MARATHON: RACE YOU TO THE PARKING LOT

Its Going To Be A Busy April

April 1, new phone - hopefully the Nexus One gets to Verizon in time.

April 3 I am heading up to L.A. for Kevin and Bean's April Foolishness. It's going to be a heck of a lot of fun

featuring Aziz Ansari and Jeff Ross:

April 14, is Opening Day for the Los Angeles Dodgers

and I am planning my biggest work project all month long.

Why You Gotta Be Like That?

So last week Kathryn Bigelow won Best Director at the Academy Awards. However, when her film The Hurt Locker was introduced as a Best Picture Nominee the presenter was none other than Keanu Reeves. I didn't hear a single word he said about the eventual winner of the Best Picture. Instead, all I heard was, "I am an EFFFF-BEEE-EEEEYE AGENT." What a kick in the pants to Kathryn Bigelow, or skirt if you will. Here she is at the pinnacle of her career and this is what the Academy decides? I can hear the conversation now.

"Hey, you know who we will get to introduce Kathryn Bigelow's award winning film? The dude she directed in Point Break."

"Patrick Swayze. He is dead?"

"No not him, the other guy."

"Gary Busey? He is insane."

"No the one who had a semi-successful career afterwards."

"Anthony Kedis...?"

Thats right, on arguably the biggest day of her professional life they decided to remind everyone that she was the director behind one of the most comically bad movies of the 80s. Niiiiiiice move Academy Award producers. They didn't freaking trot out Jessica Alba to talk about Avatar!!! No one mentioned that Cameron had directed Piranha 2: The Spawning at the beginning of his career. As much as I love how bad Point Break the Oscars probably wasn't the best time to remind people of that albatross around Ms. Bigelow's neck.

Solitude versus Loneliness

The really satisfying moments I have working with student leaders come less frequently than they used to. But it always strikes me as special when one of them shares with me some personal insight that shines a light on me.

During a one on one this past week and R.A. told me, "I like solitude but I hate being alone."

As soon as I heard the words I thought, 'damn this kid hit it right on the head.' Solitude is all about having peace and enjoying the tranquility of taking time for yourself. Loneliness is the desperation and pain you feel when you don't feel that there is anyone there for you. In both instance you are "alone." But in solitude you have this sense of comfort. The time alone is about reflection or recharging your battery. When you are lonely the separation between yourself and other people seems like it will have no end. Loneliness makes us hate ourselves and wonder why we drive others away.

Maybe it's just me but I found my student's comment to be real interesting.

Forced Shots...

I remember when I played rec league basketball as a little kid. I wasn't the fastest or the biggest kid so I played hard on defense and did what I could to get someone else a good look at the basket. But I knew at any given time I was more than likely to be in the bottom 5 of the players out on the court. It was never more evident than when I touched the actual ball.

I'd panic.

Unbelievable panic. I would force up horribly ugly shots. I should be passing the ball. Instead I would freak out look up and shoot. Damn setting my feet and and squaring up. I just hoisted the ball in the air for some of the ugliest shooting you have ever seen.

I would always be so embarrassed after games thinking, 'why do you do that?' Which I guess is a question I ask myself all the time. Recently I have been asking it of myself when it comes to my friendships. One of the horrible flaws I share with my father is the feeling that I always need to impress/buy my friends. I know I don't need to. I know in my heart that I am a good guy. I care deeply about those people who are close to me. I try my damnedest to be their for them when they need support, plus I think that I am amusing and smart enough to make for good company. But when I am with them and the issue of money comes up I feel like I always have to over compensate.

Drinks, there on me. Dinner, I got the check. How much did the tickets cost, don't worry about it.

A quick note here. In no way are my friends leaches. They have paid for their fair share of things and always offer to pay. The problem doesn't lie with them. It's with me. There are times when I am more than happy to pay for them, to buy them things and its not an issue. I have the money for it. But there are other times where I tell myself, "you can't spend more than X." But when the check comes it different story. The blame lies in me. I try to be something I am not. I pay partly to show love and partly to mask my own insecurities. In that moment of laying down the plastic charge card or pulling out the handful of twenties I allow myself to pretend that I am more successful and secure than I really am.

I really need to get a hold of myself. I need to firmly believe and know that the love my friends have for me isn't tied to the amount of money I am willing to spend on them. When I forced up those shots during games I was trying to do things beyond what I was truly capable of, and the result of those actions were negative. It's the same here. I need to be honest with myself and know that if it's good enough for those around me it should be good enough for me too.