The Power of Family...

I realized this week, just yesterday in fact, that in the near future I will play a patriarchal role in my family. Both sides. Mom and dad's. While my family has churned out incredibly strong and intelligent women who play leading roles in their families, there is always this reverence and respect for my grandfathers. Normally, that reverence and respect would be passed down to their children (their male children) upon their passing. But I don't think that will happen. Their have been too many public indiscretions and too many character flaws for them to be candidates.

I on the other hand, because of the level of education I have achieved and the type of work I do, am someone who elicits a sense of pride and trust from my family. I believe that they would be more than willing to trust me with playing a role in leading our family.

Maybe I have always subconsciously known this. Maybe that's why I worry about them as much as I do. It's probably why I have always felt a sense of responsibility and duty. Maybe that's why I try to help family as much as I can. Maybe that's why I have always feel guilt when I think of family members as burdens. Maybe I get anxious about my ability to love and care, because at some point it will be my job to move our family, in it's totality, into the future. And I want to do so in a way that shows care and love for all of my family, not just parts of it.

Maybe, I am just over thinking things. Maybe there is no such thing as a patriarch in my family. Maybe it's just a projection of my own making used to make sense of how my family interacts with itself.

Whatever the case is, I want to be like my grandfather Cecilio. I want to be a good son, cousin, nephew, uncle (and eventually father) in order to honor him. Everyone loves and admires him. He is, in many ways, our rock. he doesn't say much, but when he does you know he means it and you should be listening. He never says "I love

you". Never. Hearing him say those words is the Holy Grail of our family.

"I love you Papa Chilo"

"Me too."

But he doesn't have to say it. Because his actions speak louder than his words ever could. We know he loves us because of the way he loves us. We don't have to hear it. Our hearts know it. I had to ask him for a favor today. In an attempt to help someone else out I needed a favor from him and my grandmother. After explaining the situation to my grandmother she passed the phone to him. I explained once more. I told him, as I told my grandmother, that I was embarrassed to ask him for this favor. He immediately put me at ease. "OK. Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure? I know you generous but this also isn't anything concerning you, so if you don't want to please don't feel obligated to..."

"Don't worry we will take care of it Sunday."

It's not just that he is willing to help, it was his ability to take away the embarrassment I felt. One moment I felt ashamed. I felt like a beggar. The next moment I felt loved and cared for. Maybe that's why we love him and my grandmother so much. I want to be that for the people I care about. Whether they be family or otherwise. When my days are done I hope that I will have done enough so that the people I care about know that I loved them.