Things I Don't Want To Know...

I was hanging out with a friend on Friday night and they shared this little tidbit with me. "1 out of every 4 people under the age of 78 dies from some form of cancer." The person threw out this statistic out of nowhere. We weren't talking about death or cancer. Dropping random factoids into conversations is what this person does. For example, did you know that pigeons and cats have the greatest genetic diversity among animals. Thats the type of off the wall info I get from this friend. But thats not exactly my point here. My point is that if you know something like that cancer stat - keep it to yourself!

Yes, I know its an interesting fact but no one wants to hear about how their going to die! You know why dogs are so happy? Because they don't realize that they only have 10-13 years to live. Its Friday night and people are having a good time. No need to be Dr. Death and have me start worrying about what form of cancer is going to kill me. I've said it once and I will say it again. There are just somethings I don't want to know. It's a curse to be smart. Having too much information/knowledge makes you, what I call, "hyper-aware". People who are too smart can't act without over thinking/analyzing everything. They can't relax. They are stress balls. Life is easier when you are dumb. If I want to know about causes of death I will look at a medical publication. Other than that, let me be unaware. As the old adage says, ignorance is bliss: especially when it comes to telling me how I am going to die.

Proactive Commercials...

Proactiv is a creme that is sold with the promise that it cures acne. When I first saw the Proactiv commerical its spokesperson was P. Diddy of all people. Diddy needed Proactiv to keep his sexy right. You don't understand the man needed to protect his silk smooth skin!

As ridiculous, and LONG, as these commercials can be the thing that bugs me is the use of regular people and celebrities in these things. The celebrity talk about how they were horrified to walk on the red carpet or be on a photo shoot because they had a "break out." Thats the actual photo of Katy Perry they used as an example of her acne "problem".

They then cut to a regular Joe who looks like Two-Face to give their testimonial. I wonder how those people feel when they watch these commercials. How pissed must they be? I would be f'ing insulted to watch a celebrity make a big deal about a few pimples when my face looks like a pizza! And what about the people watching. If people with real acne felt bad about their looks before they must be absolutely devastated after watching Proactiv commercials. Do they even sell any of their kits or do they just drive all their potential clients to suicide?

The Return of Randy Moller's Goal Calls...

Enjoy...

Kobe v Lebron: Its no comparison...

To all the Laker fans critiquing Lebron: don't make comparisons to Kobe. Lebron deserves a lot of the crap he is getting but lets get the facts straight. Kobe wasn't expcted to be the best player on his team until 2004 and he stunk up the NBA finals that year. Kobe was fortunate enought to be surrounded by the most dominant center of all time, a tremendous coach, winners like Robert Horry and Jerry West as GM who acted as training wheels for Kobe.
Lebron has been asked to be the best player on his team since day one.

And as far as bad playoff performances lets not forget some Kobe's absolute embarassments: 2004 finals games 3-5, 2008 finals games 4 and 6, and games seven v The Suns. I am not saying Lebron is better or that he shouldn't be criticized for his performance but let's not forget that Kobe had more time to grow and always had more tools and when he didn't have those tools he struggled. So to all the people saying, "Kobe struggled in the playoffs but he had three rings" let's not compare. It took Kobe five years in his prime and an unbelievably one sided trade to get Kobe back to the top of the mountain.

But if you are going to compare then lets do it:

Imagine creating a supporting cast draft. The rules are simple, you take the best player off of all the teams that were still alive at the beginning of Thursday (Boston, Cleveland, Lakers, Suns and Magic) and then you draft the best available player from pool consisting of the remaining players roster. If you did that how many picks someone selects a Cleveland Caviler? Honestly. How long until some takes Antwan Jamison (who I would argue is the second best player on that team? You would have to put the following players ahead of him: Lamar Odom, Andrew Bynum, Pao Gasol, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Vince Carter, Jameer Nelson, Amare Stodamire, Jason Richardson (hell maybe even Rashard Lewis). The truth is if you had this draft there wouldnt be a Cav taken in the top 10!!! Dude doesn't have help. Thats just the truth.

Could you imagine Kobe without Pao Gasol...I can because thats what happened in in 2006-2007. Without a legit center (Kwame Brown) and without a point gaurd (Smush Parker) dude got bounced in the first round!!! And not just 2006-2007 but also in 2005-2006. He did have Lamar Odom (the Lakers answer to Antwan Jamison. Again, Kobe has had this period in his career too. When he was handed a bad team and he struggled in the playoffs in terms of success.

We can criticize his leadership and we can criticize the role he plays on his team (for instance maybe he needs to let his point gaurd be the primary distributor - not him) but it is way out of bounds to say Lebron isn't a championship type player until he is given championship type pieces to compliment him.

Somethings I Have Learned About Myself...

1. I am a horrible judge of milk pouring. I always ruin my cereal by pouring too much milk. I can never do it right. I always think, "its not enough milk" or "maybe just a little more" and then I finish I look at the jug of milk I have basically poured half the gallon into this damn bowl. If anyone has any tips please let me know.

2. No matter how bad a day I have at work I know I didn't have nearly as bad a day as now former light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida. As frustrating and soul crushing as my job may be I never look like this afterwards...

Random Thoughts...

1. Iron Man 2 is a good movie. I was nervous this weekend when I saw some friends say that they thought it was just an OK movie. But I went to go see it Sunday morning and I sat there waiting to be disappointed. I absolutely loved the first 45 minutes of the movie, and the rest of it too of course, but especially the first 45 minutes. I am not usually a summer blockbuster person, and I am usually disappointed by comic book movies. Plus, I was super afraid of Micky Rourke going over the top playing a Russian villain, but I thought this sequel was pulled off really well. Great actors, a lot of laughs and the action sequences were cool without dragging on forever (which is a pet peeve of mine).

2. I love Kevin Smith. I just love listening to hear him talk. The next time he is anywhere in Southern California giving one of his lectures I am there.

3. What is wrong with Brett Michaels. I felt bad a couple of weeks ago because after learning that he suffered a brain hemorrhage I made a "every rose has its thorn jokes." Everyone looked at me like was an a-hole, which was the correct response. But then I see a People Magazine at the grocery store and I see this picture...

I look at the inset picture (the one taken in the hospital) and all I could think was, "what the f***? Are you serious? Even after a brain hemorage this dude still rocking a bandana?" Does he really think he is fooling any of us into thinking he isn't bald. And by the way, even if he is concerned with people seeing he is going bald, you can give it a rest after you almost died. You should really just be focused on your health at that point. I'm just sayin'.

80s Night...

Tonight was a surreal experience. I went out to put gas in my car and go grocery shopping. I pull into the ARCO station and as I open the door and put my foot out of the car the first guitar licks from ZZ Top's Sharp Dressed man played. Freaking awesome. It was like I was in a movie. A comedy, of course. No better comedic timing than having a guy in gym shorts and a white shirt get out of his car while Sharp Dressed Man is playing.

Link to Sharp Dressed Man

Fast forward to the checkout counter at the Grocery Store. The checkout woman, who looks like she is maybe in her late twenties asks me what I am listening to. I tell her I am listening to a news podcast. She looks at me and says, "you mean you're not listening to My Girl Wants to Party All the Time by Eddie Murphy. Thats my favorite song of all time."

Thats right. Her favorite song of all time is Part All the Time by Eddie Murphy. Awesome. She told me that it always makes her want to dance and she can't be in a bad mood when she hears it. My friends, please enjoy Mr. Murphy at the peak of his musical powers (notice the cameo by Rick James). One of the best worst music videos ever. I love how psyched everyone gets over Eddie's vocals stating at the 2:50 mark.

This is Why...

Why are my beloved Dodgers in such bad shape? Why are the struggling at every turn? I have the answer. Driving out of LA on 5 freeway and I saw this. I was in fucking shock!!!

Over the last month I have been trying to decide which is the more embarrassing association I have in my life: being a catholic or being a Dodger fan? Well this made my decision easy - being a Dodger fan.

Why in God's good name would the advertising team ever - I mean EVER - allow Justin fucking Beiber to be part of the marketing campaign for one of the greatest and most storied baseball franchises in history. He is fucking 15 and Canadian. Has he ever been to a baseball game? This is a million times worse than the Angels decision to let a monkey be the face of their franchise for 10 years! Seriously, a monkey was a better marketing decision than this!

Frank McCourt has got to be the worst owner in all of sports. He can't afford a decent veteran starter but he hires staff who will sign off on this kind of bullshit pandering.

And who is this kind of advertising meant for? Have the people who decided this was a good idea ever gone to a Dodger game. Look at your fans for Christ's sake. How many of the bald dudes, with Raider tattoos and wearing loc sunglasses are buying Justin Beiber albums? How many of the middle aged Jewish men who go to games have "Beiber fever"?

The Dodgers - dare I say it - are doomed. At least until that billboard comes down.