Saturday, February 28, 2009

My dad is getting old...



So my dad just left the Radisson. He came to help me fix my car battery and after cleaning the battery it seems to have worked. I hugged and kissed him goodbye. As he drove off in his work truck I couldn't help but be happy. Not in a jump around joyous way. Just in a content way. You see I never though my dad would get old.
Because of all his faults, all his mistakes, all of his vices I just never thought he would make it. He never wanted to get old either. I think thats why he acted the way he did. He was reckless because that is a sign of youth. He was reckless because maybe if he was reckless enough he wouldn't have to live to see himself get old. He once told my grandfather that he didn't want to live to be 30. That he would kill himself before he got that old. He said as much to me too... during my half brother 1st birthday party no less.

It's hard to watch someone killing themselves. It's even harder when it's your dad. I don't want to get into it too much. Just thinking about it right now is making it hard enough to write this. But I remember thinking that my dad would always end up dead in some ditch, in the diver seat of his car or in a motel room. We would get a call from some police officer and, though we would be sad ,we wouldn't be surprised. We wouldn't be emotional wrecks. We would just accept it as the inevitable finally occurring. It made me mad. It made me angry that we just had to sit here and watch him hurt himself. It made me mad that our choices were to write him off or to try continue to help him when there seemed like there was no hope. Have you ever seen your father dig a chuck of his flesh out because he imagined bugs were digging into skin. I have. It's not fun.
I don't know why I am crying so much right now. I don't know if its because I am thinking about all this or because I am so happy that for the first time in my life I don't worry about him. For the first time in my life I don't dread being around my dad. Maybe I am crying because for the first time in my life it seems like this story might actually turn out OK.

When I decided not to go to Vermont for grad school a big part was a letter he wrote me from prison. He told me that he loved me. He told me to do what was best for me. But he said that he hoped I would go to SC so that he could have one more chance to make things better. This was the second time he wrote a letter like this. He sent the same kind of letter to me when I was at UCSB and he was in prison for the first time. He stumbled then, and I feared that he would just fall again. But he hasn't. My dad has actually been pretty good. His trademark anger seems gone. I don't think I even seem him drink anymore, which is a good sign. When he left today with his thinning hair and his grey goatee it was an image I thought I would never see. It was a present from God. All I ever wanted was to watch my dad get old and not have to worry about him. and thats what I have gotten for the last 16 months. I am so thankful for that. So thankful.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

WOW! This is surreal.

Let me say this. When I started this blog over a year ago I really thought this would be nothing more than a personal source of ammusement that was infrequently checked by two or three people. However, I am happily humbled. In the last month I have recieved comments on this blog from people I do not know at all (at least I think I dont). So to Auriol, Zodac and Matze (and Matze as far as I can tell you live in Germany so God bless ya. I would love to know how in the hell you even ran across this blog) Thanks for dropping a line. I am glad that our shared disappointment and frustration with Kate Winslet has brought us together. And of course thanks to all of my regular followers and friends who randomly send me comments (Jorge, Stephen, Amber, Stephanie, and the rest of you wonderful folks). I hope that I can continue to be as fun and informative as I have been in the past.

Oh before I go. Did anyone watch the president's speech last night. I liked it. I did. But I was so distracted by Vice President Biden and Speaker Nancy Pelosi. They would jump up (literaly jump to their feet) and applaud Obama before he was even done with his comment. It was like watching hyperactive ADD kids running around a playground. I felt like yelling "relax - you can offer him a BJ after this thing is over!" Why cant even our elected leaders show some damn poise!

Have a great rest of the week everybody I hope to drop a line soon.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Oscar Picks

I went 5 of 6 last year. lets see how I do this year:

Best supporting actor: Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight). (side note -what is Philip Seyour Hoffman doing in this category. He was a lead actor, not supporting actor, in Doubt. The man should be up for another best actor award.)

Best supporting actress: this is easily the hardest of the categories because there are three viable nominees. I will go with Penelope Cruz (Vicky Cristina Barcelona)

Best Actress: I am going upset and picking Meryl Streep. I will have to walk out of the room if Kate Winslet wins (please refer back to my Kate Winslet rant from a month ago). Also dont be surprised if somehow Melissa Leo (who?) ends up winning this race.

Best Actor: Mickey Rourke. but I wouldn't be surprised if Sean Penn won.

Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire seems like the obvious choice so I will go with that. But as we move closer to the ceremony it seems almost too obvious. What if a movie like MILK snuck up and took the big award. Dont be surprised if that happens.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

NOOOOOOO!

So I started listening to the Adam Carolla show in December. Great show. I recently declared to a friend that it was my new favorite morning show/podcast to listen to. So what happens? CBS radio decides to blow up the station he is on and move it from a talk radio format to an al pop/top 40 music station. Great. I am losing my Adam - who I had missed since the end of the great loveline days - but atleast I get to hear more crappy pop music that is shoved down the throats of the masses by idiotic porgram directors. Awesome. I am pissed. what a horrible start to my day. I will miss you Adam. Atleast I still have the podcasts.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Lots to Complain About...


I am sick so I will try to make this quick but there is so much upsetting me these days its gonna be tough:

1. President Obama. What are you doing moving back the transition to digital TV? Seriously. People have been told about this thing for the last three years. It's not my fault that a bunch of old people and country bumpkins didnt ask for the digital antenna coupon in time. Second, people keep telling me, "people still dont understand what the transition means. Twenty five percent of people think that cable is ending, or that they have to buy a new TV." SO WHAT! So freaking what? Is that surprising to anyone? Americans are stupid.
I just had an RA get upset at me this week for saying that the educational school system is bad. You know what she told me, "there are 40 fingers in this room who are going to pick that argument apart." Only problem was it was just her and two other people in my apartment. So unless one of them is mutant with an extra 10 fingers - I guess I am right about our crappy school system.Twenty five percent think the government had something to do with 9/11 so no - I dont care that one in four people havent been smart enough to figure out the transition to digital TV. They could figure it out for the last year what is four more months going to do! NOTHING. Mr. President, I am disappointed.

2. The woman who crapped out 8 kids. HOLY CRAP. What an awful person. This is why when I am charge in people will have to provide a W2, place of legal residence, and take an aptitude test before they can get pregnant. Who has 14 kids when they dont have a job and still live at home? Nevermind that. Who craps out 6 kids and decides - 'well thats not enough shoot me up with 8 more eggs so I can be a bigger drain on society!'These children would be better off of if they were shot out of a cannon and raised by whatever animal found them ala the Jungle Book. Plus, it would mean that I dont have to pay my tax money when these kids get f'd up and end up getting arrested for DUI, or running a meth lab out in Fontana.
Lastly, this woman is stupid. Just stupid. Lets listen to some her arguements. "Kids made me feel whole." Well thats always a good reason to have kids - because you have no friends. Hey there is a reason you have no friends. You're an awful person. But now you're an awful person who is gonna unleash 14 kids on society who are raised by an idiot. great job.
"I felt helpless as a child." Yea, we all did. You know why? Becasue we were children. You're an adult now. Get over it!
"Some people are criticizing me for using invitro. They wouldn't criticize a couple if they used invitro." NO! We are criticizing YOU for being a moron. You live at home with your parents, you are on disability, you have no job, you are on food stamps, you are a perennial student, and you already have 6 kids and you decided to take "a risk" by by having eight eggs put into you. You took "a risk" that the other tax payers of this state are going to have to pay for when you are done messing up your children. Also, can we please punish the a-hole doctor who went along with this AND the moron who keeps donating his sperm to this wack job. WHY IS NO ONE ELSE AS OUTRAGED AS I AM!!!