Some of the funnier things I have heard lately (and some old favs)

2 Students sitting in the waiting room of Judicial Affairs:

Student 1: Why are you here?
Student 2: I am an asshole.

Billboards are postcards from giants.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

You totally look Mexican with that chain on.

Its like Coke or Pepsi - but with dicks.