Musings On a Sunday Night

I knew it was going to be hard at times. It’s 8:43pm on a Sunday. Tomorrow I will start work and that will be good. I want to stay busy. The moments I have time to think the more alone I feel. Sometimes I feel like I am in some kind of self imposed exile. It’s rough. But then I have to remind myself that I asked for this and that it will be good for me in the long run.

I am lucky in the sense that I live in a time and age where I can remain connected to my friends and family through the internet. Other people in the past haven’t had that luxury. It provides comfort, but it also can sometimes provide pain. The internet provides me with ways to not just keep in contact but in some ways it serves as a reminder of all that I’ve left behind.

As difficult as this feeling is now, I know that this will be a temporary feeling. Transition has always been difficult for me. I crave stability, even if it isn't positive stability. My move to New Jersey feels anything but stable. My new apartment still kind of feels like a really nice hotel room that I am staying in until I can return home. But I know that someday (hopefully sooner rather than later) this will feel like home.

When I talked to my friends Emily, Terra and Gina about making a move all the way across the country they put things in perspective for me. I admire them and their strength. But I knew there was one thing that they had in their moves that I wouldn’t have. A partner. Changes can be tough for anyone but when you have someone to share the struggles and the triumphs. Making these changes with a partner, I would imagine, makes the transition easier. It makes the lows seem not so loew and it makes the highs feel a little higher. You’re in it together. You’re a team. I don’t have that. I have people who love and support me but they aren’t here. I have to go through this alone. And in the quieter moments when doubts creep in it is really tough. I wish I had someone here with me to help me be stronger.

Hopefully I can push through and be tough. I do want to end though by thanking all the people who have just been so great and loving. You all know who you are. I am going to need y’all as I get settled here. I love y’all.

My Half Marathon In Music

Music is really important to me and it was never more important to me than last Sunday when I ran my first half marathon. I knew that my music playlist was going to have to be really good and really intentional. I needed music that would motivate me at first but also not get me too amped up and cause me to burn out early. I also knew that around mile nine I was going to need some really strong music to help me push through the last four miles. I put together about 2 hours and 40 minutes of music. I finished the race in 2 hours and 24 minutes. Here is a look at the soundtrack to my race.

Start of the race (7:15am) I thought Ace of Spades by Motorhead would be a good starting song for the race. The opening chords sound like an engine revving up. It’s a weird sound that gives you the feeling of something frenetic and chaotic but also focused.



I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For by U2 (during mile 3) While training for this run I Still Haven’t Found randomly played. I was running late at night and when I heard it come on I thought, “oh no. I need to change this. This song is too slow”, but instead I just let it play. It was such a calming and soothing song that it actually put me in a weird zone. Then 2 minutes and 40 minutes into the song came something special: 

“I believe in Kingdom come/ Then all the colors bleed into one/ Bleed into one/ And yes I’m still running/ You broke the bonds/ and loosened the chains/ Carried the cross of my shame/ Of my Shame/ You know I believe it.” The imagery of the words resonated with me and gave me chills. That’s when I knew I would want thing song on my playlist. I’m glad I added it.

Burning Heart/Touch the Sky - during the uphill climb (midway during mile 4, going up hill). I knew this was going to be my first real test of the race. So I strung some songs together that I though would pump me up. Burning Heart is such a corny/motivational song from the Rocky IV soundtrack that it just seemed like a perfect fit.

Touch the Sky has something about it that just give me some swagger and energy. I am glad I had it to push me through the last of the hill.


Thunderstruck by AC/DC (beginning of mile 8). Perfect song as I began to feel a little tired for the first time. The beginning of the song has that great slow build and then you have the tremendous gutteral scream of “You’ve been THUNDERSTRUCK!”

El Rey (The King) by Vicente Fernandez (tail end of mile 9). My favorite Mexican song. The song is all about self-assuredness and bravado. The song’s central character tells his ex that he knows she has kicked him out but that she’s gonna miss him. It doesn’t matter if he has money or doesn’t have money, that he has no throne or queen because he is still The King. There is also some great imagery for someone running a race. The central character warns that it’s his destiny to  stumble but he is given the advice that it’s not about finishing first, but about knowing how to finish. Pretty good advice for someone running a half marathon.



Watch the Throne Songs - bad timing and drowned out by cheerleaders and people using thundersticks and cowbells. Weren’t really that helpful.

Ric Flair by Killer Mike (mile 11). Really motivated me. I had hit the wall. I stopped to walk for the first time right after I passed the mile 11 marker. Then I heard this song. It’s currently one of my favorites and just gets me going. The music and the use of Ric Flair’s promos are just so damn good. The absolute swagger and borderline annoying self confidence pushed me through that wall and got me through my runner’s block.



Cinderella Man by Eminem (mile 12) Just the beginning sounds of clapping and Eminem saying “You know, technically, I’m not even supposed to be here right now...” It made me think back to when i started running and when I started training for the race and I could barely run 3 miles.

The Final Bell by Bill Conti (13.1 last song as I crossed the finish). Could not have chosen a better song to finish to. 


It was my brother’s birthday and some of our favorite movies growing up (still actually) are the Rocky movies. Not that any good Rocky fan needs to be told but this is the song that plays at the end of the first movie when Rocky goes the distance with Apollo Creed (spoiler alert).

Tumblr might be the way I get back into blogging...

So here is the problem I currently have with blogging, in the past I had the time and the energy to write lengthy enough posts that it seemed worthy of posting.

In the past I felt that if I wasn't writing at least 500-600 words it wasn't worth posting. Now, with work, family and friends I don't have the time to sit down and write those types of posts. The thoughts I want to share tend to be 200 or 300 words.

While I enjoy a lot of the changes Blogger has made in the recent past, I think it is still geared towards an old way of blogging that focuses on longer, meatier posts. In contrast, I find that a website like Tumblr has a format that supports posts that are somewhere between tweets and longer blog posts. I've really enjoyed looking at other people's tumblr pages. They seem more dynamic and engaging. It also seems like their is a more active community on Tumblr. Furthermore, Tumblr 'share' buttons are prominent on other sites and it makes it easier to share photos and links via Tumblr than Blogger.

Does anyone have any thoughts or opinions on Blogger v Tumblr.

New Year's Resolutions...

Unlike a lot of people I know I like the idea of New Year's Resolutions. The new year is a time to reflect on the things we are thankful for and the things we wish to continue and change about our lives. Resolutions, even the ones that are hard to stick to, are ways for us to recommit ourselves to being a better person, taking better care of ourselves and those around us.

I have a many many things to be thankful for in 2011 and a lot of things I want to do in 2012. One, I want to volunteer my time more. I know that their are ways that I can contribute to making other people's lives better other than donating money. Donations are critically important to most charity and service organizations but it allows many people (myself included) to remain somewhat emotionally and intellectually detached from the issue that the organization addresses. One of my goals for the new year is to be more involved by volunteering for charity.

The other thing I would love to do starting next year is to take a photo everyday of the year. I think it would be a cool way to chronicle my year. Plus, photography is always something that has interested me.

If I Ever Have A Boy...

If I ever have a boy he will grow up playing baseball, and not basketball. I have made this decision not just because I love baseball more than basketball, but because it just makes more sense financially if my child is athletically inclined. I came to this decision the morning after going to the Watch The Throne concert at Staples Center with a friend of mine.

As we were checking Watch The Throne hashtags on Twitter I mentioned that Matt Kemp of the Los Angeles Dodgers would be at the concert the same night. My friend, Kati, looked at me puzzled?
"Who is that?"

I explained that he was the best player on the Dodgers and had just come in second place for the Most Valuable Player award in baseball. Kati had no clue who this guy was. Kati is not clueless when it comes to sports. She knows the basics and follows her favorite teams and knows their star players. She just didn't know who Matt Kemp, a star baseball player in the second largest media market in America, was.

The next day I realized something, Matt Kemp is a great player, but unless your a Dodger fan or a pretty tuned in baseball fan you probably won't know who he is; and you can't be blamed for that. In spite of that fact he just signed a new 8 year contract for (wait for it) 160 million dollars. That's right 20 million a year!

Compare that to Kobe Bryant. Even if you don't know anything about basketball or care about sports you probably know who he is. My 98 year old grandfather who doesn't speak a word of english knows who he is. Do you know how much he makes a year? 25 million dollars.

More than Matt Kemp.

But what isn't mentioned is that the amount of money Kobe Bryant can make playing basketball is limited by salary limits. If Matt Kemp is "worth" 20 million dollars a year how is Kobe "only worth" 25? What would this guy be paid if there weren't salary limits? 35 million? 40 million? 50 million?

To put this in greater perspective, LeBron James (another household basketball name) only makes 16 million a year compared to Matt Kemp's 20 million. All I am saying is that if I ever have a boy I am putting a bat and a baseball glove in his hand immediately. There are no salary restrictions in baseball and you can be as fat Prince Fielder and still make over 20 million a year...

Losing Weight...

My absence from writing had basically coincided with my attempt to be healthier and lose some weight. I feel like every waking moment I am not at work I am spending traveling or at the gym, which has not been very conducive to writing. So I am going to try and recommit to updating the blog. I am very happy with my weight loss though. I took some pictures and as you can see I am making some significant progress.

It Must Be Hard To Be A Woman At The Gym...

I have started going to the gym more frequently and I have noticed something. The TVs in front ot the aerboic machines are tuned to only two channels: E! and the Food Network.

It's hard enough for me as a dude to stare at Dinner, Drive-Ins and Dives without feeling like a sad sack. I can't imagine what it's like to be one of the women on the elyptical machine, bike or treadmill who are trying to be healthier and feel better about themselves. They are being forced to stare at rich fatty foods or watch one of the 13 shows on E! that feature a Playboy playmate. It's as if the managment at the gym is saying, "thanks for coming to the gym, ladies. Now who is ready to feel bad about themselves?" Dear gym, please change the channel before you give them (and me) an eating disorder.

Thanks.