I Get By With A Little Help

Relationships with other people are a difficult thing for me.

I don’t think I’m particularly good at them.  There are a lot of reasons for this.
 

One, is that I believe that I am the type of person that can very easily be taken advantage of or for granted. It’s just kind of my role in the eco-system. I tend to attract people who love to talk. Even when they are listening, they’re either waiting for their turn to talk, or hear me say something that reminds them of something else and they immediately jump in with their own story. I don’t necessarily mind it. In a lot of ways I enjoy it. It's nice to see people so excited to share their stories and lives with me. I like listening, but every once in a while it’s nice to be heard.

The second, was that the model for a relationship at home wasn’t particularly very good. It made me distrustful of others and it makes me very wary in terms of what I expect from friends and others. In fact, I often tell people that I try not expect things from them (or from situations).

Relationships shouldn’t be like vending machines. You shouldn’t put in with the hopes of getting something of equal or greater value back.  When you start to expect things you can only be disappointed. If someone does something nice for you and you expect it, a little bit of the shine comes off that gesture. If that which you expect never comes you can become angry and resentful. 

But I will say that this: I try not to expect things from people. It’s hard not to. It goes against the way we socialized. You work hard at something you’re supposed to be rewarded for you effort. It’s like the Beatles who finish their song The End by singing: "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." We are told in almost all aspects of our life to expect back what we put in. But often I find myself saddened to know that that’s just not true.  

In some relationships people will take what you give for granted, often directing their attention and energy on less productive and satisfying relationships. It can hurt. But hey, that’s life I suppose. Most people I know tend to put their focus on things that aren’t good rather than those things that are. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that we do that with people in our lives either. Hell, I am doing it right now in this blog post.

 

In  my 30 years of life a lot of the song I loved the most have captured that sense of disappointment and frustration that comes from expecting things from people and things. Best of You by the Foo Fighters is one that does it very well.

Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love you'd die to heal
The hope that starts the broken hearts
You trust, you must
Confess

 

 

And for my friends, those of you who are there to listen when I need you, those who share with me in good times and bad, those who don’t try to “fix me” when something is wrong, the people who I can not speak to for months (even years) but when we're in the same room it just all clicks. For the people who mean the most to me, this third song is for you. Love y'all.

Does it worry you to be alone?

How do I feel at the end of the day?

Are you sad because you're on your own?

No, I get by with a little help from my friends