Don't Do Nice Things For Your Children....

In my last post I lamented the future disappointment of a child who has been led to believe she has superpowers. When that child finds out that they don't control flight they are going to be incredibly disillusioned. Who cares about being able to hang upside down on the monkey bars when you though you could make airplanes shake with your mind?!

Well, I noticed a similar scenario at Dodger Stadium. I noticed a family that was having dinner on the field of Dodger Stadium after the game. The sun was beaming, round tables were covered with beautiful white cloth and chefs in aprons and hats prepared food. All the while three children, two girls around 13 and 11, and a little boy no older than 8, ran around the foul area between home and third base. Then I noticed that All-Star left fielder Andre Ethier was on the field with them. He went up to the kids. signed some balls and then he joined them and their parents at the dinner table!
Some people might have looked at this scene and thought. Wow, what a great moment for those kids. what an awesome day for them. not me though. All I kept thinking was, "how bummed out are they going to be the next time they go out to dinner."
I can see it now...
Dad yells upstairs, "Kids were going out to dinner!"
The kids run to the top of the stairs all abuzz with excitement.
"We are going to Chuck E. Cheese." The kids look puzzled. The youngest asks, "Chuck E. Cheese?"
"Yea, it's going to be great. Aren't you excited," dad asks.
"Who is going to be there", questions the 13 year old.
"Well, just us honey."
The 11 year old girl chimes in, "So no professional athletes? What about a famous actor or actress? Lady Gaga?"
Once the kids realize that it's just a regular night out they will attack.
"What gives old man! You call this quality time with your kids!?!? Don't you love us?"

Those parents have set the bar way too high now. How are they going to top that? Everything they do from now on is going to pale in comparison to that moment. Their children are going to be so underwhelmed by the rest of their lives it won't even be funny. What's worse is that other people are going to be held to those same lofty standards and expectations. Can you imagine having to take anyone of those girls to prom? You better have Shaq, Kobe or LeBron as your driver. If not she is going to be unimpressed.

Here is my point, if you are a parent, set your kids expectations low. Don't do things with them at such a young age that th rest of their life experiences seem bland. Its gotta be tough when you're eight years old and the rest of your life is all down hill.

Disillusioned Children

As I have noted, I have been traveling recently. There was a small child crying as my flight into Raleigh, North Carolina approached its landing. The kid must have been about five years old and was fidgeting and crying. And rightfully so, it was a very turbulent landing. The child's mother was anxious to have her kid stop squirming and crying so she told her child, "Look what you are making the plane do."

She actually said this to the kid.

She told her daughter that the plane was shaking uncontrollably because she couldn't stop crying. Now some people would argue that this was a traumatic and horrible thing to do to your child. 'What kind of parent puts that kind of guilt on their child', my friends say. But I am not concerned with the trauma and the guilt caused by this act. No. in fact, I have an almost opposite reaction.

What if this kid grows up to think she has superpowers? She is going to her kindergarten class on Monday proclaiming, "I can control airplanes!" How bummed is that kid going to be when she realize she doesn't? Or even worse, how scared is she going to be when she does behave during a planes descent and there is still turbulence?

That parent shouldn't be yelled at for scaring their kid, they should be chastised for setting their little one up for unbelievable disappointment when find out that you can't control airplanes.

MTV and Teen Pregnancy...

Just a quick thought. What should I be more concerned about:

1. That it seems like 1/3 of all of MTV's programming centers around teen pregnancy or,

2. That there are enough pregnant teens in this country to account for 1/3 of MTV's programming?

I mean this is crazy right? It's MTV - MUSIC TELEVISION!

Can you imagine if you went back in time to 1990 and told somebody, "hey you know MTV? Well in twenty years you won't be able to watch music videos on there because they will be too busy showing TV shows about pregnant 16 years and 20 year olds who are constantly drinking, sleeping with each other and getting into fights."

Here is the strange thing about MTV. They are largely responsible for creating a generation of short attention spanned, attention hungry derelicts and now their programming consists of them filming said derelicts and showing them off to a new generation of future blights on society. MTV is the entertainment version of a snake eating it's own tail.

Seriously MTV, stop with the pregnant teen programming. It's depressing and scummy...even for you.

Some Thoughts on Flying...

Last week I flew out to Toledo, Ohio. On my connector flights to and from Chicago Midway I had crying children in the row in front of me. This got me thinking. Why don't we shame parents that bring toddlers and babies on flights longer than an hour and a half?

Am I wrong in saying that bringing a baby or a toddler on a plane is inconsiderate. Maybe it's just me, but when you decide to have a kid you have forfeited your right to be a normal person for at least 5 years. That means there are restrictions on taking your kids flying, taking them to movies so on and so forth. It's not punishment. It's common courtesy. No one wants to be trapped in a movie theater with a crying child. And that sentiment goes double for being trapped in a metal tube hurdling through the air at 500 miles per hour. Seriously, this isn't like a movie were you can leave the theater if your kid gets out of handed. The parent, the baby and everyone else are trapped on the freaking plane, we can't move, we can't walk out.

So here is my plan. Have small camera is those overhead compartments with the lights and the air ventilation things. When a kid starts uncontrollably crying a flight attendant turns on the camera and the whole scene is broadcast throughout the plane. Now, this may seem strange but let me explain. One, it shames parents. It will hopefully make someone think twice before they travel with their screaming bundle of joy. Second, it lets the rest of the plane know whats going on. Nothing is worse than not being able to see what is causing all this crying. I sat through this plane flight thinking, "is the kid hungry, are they uncomfortable, are the performing a circumcision on a new born?" I need answers. I wan't to know why this already uncomfortable flight is being made even more torturous. Best case scenario some other parents on the plane can shout out advice or instructions that will help calm the kid down.

Lastly, I was flying Southwest which has Spirit Magazine. I have never actually opened the thing. But while I was on the flight someone sitting across the aisle I saw that there was a "Letter to the Editor" page. I was dumb founded. Who in the hell rights a letter to Spirit Magazine! Who has the time, the energy and most importantly, motivation to write a response letter to Spirit Magazine. I hope to God that none of those letters are real.

More flying observations and rants to come...

Pauly Shore Is Motivational...

Pauly Shore has a new movie coming out.

That's right. It's 2010 and Pauly Shore has a new movie coming out.

Yes, that Pauly Shore.

At first I was amazed and confounded. But the more I thought about it, the happier I was. The fact that in this day and age Pauly Shore can still have a movie coming out (even if it is direct to Netflix) gives me hope.

I see a lot of inspirational and uplifting stories. People who have lost limps who still compete in Iron Men and Iron Women events, cancer survivors who fight everyday, the autistic kid who fights his way onto the basketball team. Those stories and incredibly and those people should be lauded for their efforts. But at the end of it I feel bad about myself.

All I think is, "here are people was worse off than me, have all these obstacles and yet are achieving more than I can. I am a loser."

I don't have to deal with any of that when it comes to Pauly Shore. Pauly Shore is someone who has "less" but doesn't "work hard" and yet still succeeds. So why is he inspirational. Stay with me (and my low self-esteem for a second).

Puly Shore gives hope to people like me! His story gives me hope. It give me hope that maybe I can hang around long enough to have my marginal talents and abilities (coupled with a so-so work wthic) turn into moderate success. Yes, Pauly Shore is proof that with minimal talent and little work ethic, you too can some how stumble aimlessly into success. And for the average Joe, that's motivation!

You Know You Live In A Good Neighborhood When...

So last week I was at breakfast when I saw a family of 5. A husband and wife and their three children. The kids were loud and energetic as they are prone to do. They ran around the patio area loud and full of life. And I am sure that at 9 in the morning their energy was probably frustrating and annoying for most of the patrons out on the patio. Well, long story short as they were trying to herd there kids the parents decided that they needed to go get coffee and a bunch of other stuff. So they decided to go back into the coffee shop with two of them and just left one of them outside sitting by themselves.

All I kept thinking was, "you know you live in a good neighborhood when you can choose to be a negligent parent."

I mean seriously, this is the parenting equivalent of being able to leave your front door unlocked because you live in a neighborhood were you don't have to worry about break in thefts. How do you just leave your kid alone for three minutes on a patio while eating a bagel? It must be nice to not have to worry about these types of things. I remember one time my mom dropped my brother and I off at my grandparents for a sleep over. As we met my grandmother in the drive way a man covered in blood ran in front of us screaming unintelligibly. And I am not being over dramatic when I say he was covered in blood. The man's entire face and shirt was covered in blood. My grandmother and mom looked at each other, there was a pause, and then my mom said, "all right I will come by to pick them up in a couple of days." Ha!

Bad parenting is relative, or it can be anyway. In bad neighborhoods it is leaving your kids with relative while blood drenched people run around screaming. In a nice town like La Jolla, it's leaving our kids alone out side a bagel shop unattended.

By the way, the kid is clearly 5 or 6 and is already eating food that I didn't eat until I was 21. Unbelievable.

The Boss and The Fourth of the July...

I know I am a little late here, but I am going to put it out there anyway. People need to stop playing Born in the USA on the Fourth of July. Because of the upbeat rock tempo and the chorus people think that it's the perfect red, white and blue tune to mark our independence day. Clearly those folks have never payed attention to the lyrics. The song chronicles the life of a man forced to fight in Vietnam, his experiences during the war and the harsh realities he finds when he comes back home. Here are some sample lyrics...

Got in a little home town jam

So they put a rifle in my hand

Send me off to a foreign land

to go and kill the yellow man

did I mention he can't find a job when he get home:

Come back home to the refinery
Hiring man says "Son if it was up to me"
I go down to see the V.A. man
He said "Son don't you understand"

not depressed yet... how about this towards the end of the song:

Out in the Shadow of the penitentiary

out by the gas fires of the refinery

ten years down the road

nowhere to run to

ain't got nowhere to go

Now maybe it's just me but I wouldn't exactly be blaring this from my speakers while I am BBQing, waving the flag or holding a sparkler. Don't get me wrong I love the song and think it's an important reminder of that era and of the way we should treat our veterans when they return home. But there is a time and place for everything, and the Fourth of July isn't the right time for Born in the U.S.A. It's not like I am going to walk into VA Hospital anytime soon and show Born on the Fourth of July, so why would I play this song on the Fourth. By the way watch the trailer to see what Tom Cruise and Kyr Sedgwick looked like 21 years ago.

Anyway, to be fair to people confused about the song's meaning I got blame Bruce a bit for this. The video is fucking confusing. Having a video with kids going to proms and enjoying 5 year olds blowing out birthday cake candles and a father and child enjoying a carnival ride is going to send mixed messages. Link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPudiBR15mk