Savoring Life...

So I have been reading a book called The Jesuit Guide To (Almost) Everything. It is written by Father James Martin, S.J. He has recently been in the media because he has rebuked Glenn Beck's claims that social justice has no place in religion. I have really enjoyed the book. I am a very slow reader and one who gets distracted/bored easily. So reading a 130ish pages in two days is a pretty good indicator that I have enjoyed the book.

However, there have been a handful of times when the book has, for some reason or another made me contemplate my own mortality. I would begin to get nervous at the idea of death. I worry about falling ill, or losing my memory, becoming a burden for others. Yet when I really sit down and think about it I think I fear something else. I fear not fully enjoying my life. One of the tenants of the book is this idea of reflecting on our day, or what Father Martin calls being contemplative in action. In short to be contemplative in action means be able to reflect upon all the aspects of your daily life, the good, the bad, the banal. Its about taking the time to appreciate the good and beautiful things in your life and being aware of the bad parts too. Its about taking the time to reflect on the people in your life and how you interact with them. Contemplating the things that made you happiest and peaceful, while at the same time taking the time to think about the areas in which you have failed and need to improve.

I've said before that life isn't always fun and that life is difficult. I still hold that to be true. But at the same time I am being reminded that just because life can be hard and busy doesn't mean that I can't or shouldn't take the time to enjoy it. I should take the time to think about my day and my life and all that it is. Because at the end of the day life is like a good meal. A good meal is something you sit with, something you savor and appreciate and it should be the same with the lives we lead. So after sitting with this for a few days I have decided that I should be more contemplative in action. To think about myself as a person, about my desires, my short comings and appreciating my reality. Now I realize that it wasn't so much death I feared, as much as it was letting my life go by without taking the time to enjoy it.

My Scene...

Someone asked me today what my scene is and I replied, "my scene is that I have no scene." And I dont mean that in the I am too cool to be part of a scene, I am just to lazy and introverted to have ever done anything to be part of a scene. Being part of a scene means burning calories. Scenes mean developing a look, following a lifestyle, going places and having to talk to people. That sounds like a lot of work. I wish I had the motivation to be part of scene but I just don't have the energy or commitment. I need to find a scene that I can do from my couch. Is watching HBO on a Sunday a scene?

Running to Get Home..

It's sold out!!! For the first time in history the L.A. Marathon is sold out and many people are thanking the newly developed LA Marathon route for the increased registration sales. In the past the route had been essentially a circle that began and ended by the Los Angeles Coliseum. This year planners developed the "Stadium to the Sea" concept, creating a route starting at Dodger Stadium that ends at the Santa Monica Pier and hits all kinds of landmarks along the way.
I loved the idea when I first heard it but I had one question. After running 26.2 miles, and I supposed to run another 26.2 miles to get back to my car? The answer is no. Apparently you are supposed to arrive and park at the Santa Monica pier and then you have to be shuttled over to Dodger Stadium. Participants are being asked to arrive an hour and a half early. That seems like a lot of work to run a race is that is so long that it allegedly killed the guy the race is named after.

But I guess this will serve as motivation to finish the race. You'll have to if you ever want to get back home! No quitting the L.A. Marathon this year, not if you ever want to see you car again. As matter of fact your car is pretty much a deposit on finishing the race this year. And think of the traffic trying to get out of that place. Maybe next year they will have a new slogan for the L.A. Marathon.
THE 2011 L.A. MARATHON: RACE YOU TO THE PARKING LOT

Its Going To Be A Busy April

April 1, new phone - hopefully the Nexus One gets to Verizon in time.

April 3 I am heading up to L.A. for Kevin and Bean's April Foolishness. It's going to be a heck of a lot of fun

featuring Aziz Ansari and Jeff Ross:

April 14, is Opening Day for the Los Angeles Dodgers

and I am planning my biggest work project all month long.

Why You Gotta Be Like That?

So last week Kathryn Bigelow won Best Director at the Academy Awards. However, when her film The Hurt Locker was introduced as a Best Picture Nominee the presenter was none other than Keanu Reeves. I didn't hear a single word he said about the eventual winner of the Best Picture. Instead, all I heard was, "I am an EFFFF-BEEE-EEEEYE AGENT." What a kick in the pants to Kathryn Bigelow, or skirt if you will. Here she is at the pinnacle of her career and this is what the Academy decides? I can hear the conversation now.

"Hey, you know who we will get to introduce Kathryn Bigelow's award winning film? The dude she directed in Point Break."

"Patrick Swayze. He is dead?"

"No not him, the other guy."

"Gary Busey? He is insane."

"No the one who had a semi-successful career afterwards."

"Anthony Kedis...?"

Thats right, on arguably the biggest day of her professional life they decided to remind everyone that she was the director behind one of the most comically bad movies of the 80s. Niiiiiiice move Academy Award producers. They didn't freaking trot out Jessica Alba to talk about Avatar!!! No one mentioned that Cameron had directed Piranha 2: The Spawning at the beginning of his career. As much as I love how bad Point Break the Oscars probably wasn't the best time to remind people of that albatross around Ms. Bigelow's neck.

Solitude versus Loneliness

The really satisfying moments I have working with student leaders come less frequently than they used to. But it always strikes me as special when one of them shares with me some personal insight that shines a light on me.

During a one on one this past week and R.A. told me, "I like solitude but I hate being alone."

As soon as I heard the words I thought, 'damn this kid hit it right on the head.' Solitude is all about having peace and enjoying the tranquility of taking time for yourself. Loneliness is the desperation and pain you feel when you don't feel that there is anyone there for you. In both instance you are "alone." But in solitude you have this sense of comfort. The time alone is about reflection or recharging your battery. When you are lonely the separation between yourself and other people seems like it will have no end. Loneliness makes us hate ourselves and wonder why we drive others away.

Maybe it's just me but I found my student's comment to be real interesting.

Forced Shots...

I remember when I played rec league basketball as a little kid. I wasn't the fastest or the biggest kid so I played hard on defense and did what I could to get someone else a good look at the basket. But I knew at any given time I was more than likely to be in the bottom 5 of the players out on the court. It was never more evident than when I touched the actual ball.

I'd panic.

Unbelievable panic. I would force up horribly ugly shots. I should be passing the ball. Instead I would freak out look up and shoot. Damn setting my feet and and squaring up. I just hoisted the ball in the air for some of the ugliest shooting you have ever seen.

I would always be so embarrassed after games thinking, 'why do you do that?' Which I guess is a question I ask myself all the time. Recently I have been asking it of myself when it comes to my friendships. One of the horrible flaws I share with my father is the feeling that I always need to impress/buy my friends. I know I don't need to. I know in my heart that I am a good guy. I care deeply about those people who are close to me. I try my damnedest to be their for them when they need support, plus I think that I am amusing and smart enough to make for good company. But when I am with them and the issue of money comes up I feel like I always have to over compensate.

Drinks, there on me. Dinner, I got the check. How much did the tickets cost, don't worry about it.

A quick note here. In no way are my friends leaches. They have paid for their fair share of things and always offer to pay. The problem doesn't lie with them. It's with me. There are times when I am more than happy to pay for them, to buy them things and its not an issue. I have the money for it. But there are other times where I tell myself, "you can't spend more than X." But when the check comes it different story. The blame lies in me. I try to be something I am not. I pay partly to show love and partly to mask my own insecurities. In that moment of laying down the plastic charge card or pulling out the handful of twenties I allow myself to pretend that I am more successful and secure than I really am.

I really need to get a hold of myself. I need to firmly believe and know that the love my friends have for me isn't tied to the amount of money I am willing to spend on them. When I forced up those shots during games I was trying to do things beyond what I was truly capable of, and the result of those actions were negative. It's the same here. I need to be honest with myself and know that if it's good enough for those around me it should be good enough for me too.