Rob Parker Has To Go.

Robert Parker is someone who I occasionally see on ESPN and he always seems to be below ESPN standards. After all, this is the same guy that reported that then Michigan State QB Kirk Cousins had gotten into a fight with fellow MSU athletes, even though Cousins was at home with his parents the whole night.

Cousins is now the backup QB for the Washington Redskins. Well, Mr. Parker went on ESPN's FIRST TAKE on Wednesday and went after the Redskins' starting QB Robert Griffin III. Mr. Parker question Mr. Griffin's blackness because of the race of his fiancé and a rumored political allegiance. You can watch his stupidity here:



I went to his Twitter timeline to see if he would back away or apologize for his comments. He did not. If anything. He went on to defend himself and posture towards those attacking him.

Mr. Parker was wrong by the way. He was not on First Take the next day. He ended up being indefinitely suspended by ESPN. I was so disgusted by not only his unbelievable inappropriate, prejudiced and thoughtless commentary but also his arrogance that I wrote the following to ESPN.

After thoughtful consideration I am writing to support the firing of Rob Parker. Mr. Parker's comments were thoughtless and hurtful. To question someone's identity and connection to their cultural or racial heritage by who they date, their political affiliation, speech or wear their hear is beneath the journalism I have come to expect from ESPN and other ABC properties. Even Stephen A Smith recognized this during the segment. Mr. Parker's defensiveness on Twitter further cemented my view.

I've come to realize that if you want to see change you have to do something about it. You have to be willing to call people out or ask that they be held accountable. It's not enough to stew and complain to like-minded people around you. Whether it's writing an email to ESPN, voting, volunteering, working on a campaign or anything else. Action begets action and that is the way towards change.

New Beginnings

Tomorrow will be the first time in 3 years that I will not be welcoming a new class of students to Sixth College at UC San Diego. I miss my friends, my co-workers and my students. But change is a part of life and I know that the students of Sixth College have an amazing group of people who will be there to help them, support them, teach them, help them grow and help them build long lasting and meaningful relationships.

For the RA staff that will welcome folks into Camp Snoopy and the Sixth College Apartments, I just want to say I miss y'all. But below is a reminder that this new year brings new opportunities. Opportunities for greatness that you all will seize. You all have so much potential and greatness inside of all of you and more importantly you all have the tools and personality to be an outstanding TEAM. Don't forget that. Below is the message I left you all with last May. I still mean every word.

Willing of the Halls is a very important ritual at Sixth because it recognizes the contributions of the past while also celebrating the potential of the future. It’s the passing of the torch from one person to another. It’s not just about passing on a building or some gifts, it’s about welcoming people into a Sixth College Res Life family and passing on the responsibility and the mantle of representing that family. 

Once your part of this family your part of it forever. Wether you know it or not the contributions of the hundred or so RAs who have been part of Sixth Res Life are in this room with us right now. At Sixth we don’t fear change because no one individual’s presence or effort is more important than the next. We value each other individually but we understand that only together can we serve something bigger than ourselves.

With that being said I want to announce that next year I will not be returning as an Assistant Resident Dean for Sixth College. I’ll be taking the position of Assistant Director of New Student Orientation and Family Programs at Rutgers University in New Jersey.

Some of you might be wondering what this exactly means or who will be replacing me. We don’t know that yet. But what I do know is that Marciano and Tony will do there best to find someone who values the things that make Sixth College great and will be a boss that you can count on to work hard for you and your students.

On a personal note I want to say that this change, while exciting, also makes me sad because I’ve grown attached to many of you who are returning and many of you who are joining our family next year. For those of you who I haven’t been as close to I am bummed out because I won’t be able to better know you and watch you reach your full potential. 

But like I said before, just because I am leaving doesn’t mean I still don’t belong to this family. I will still be a call, email or Facebook message away and I care enough about you all and this place that I’ll always be there for you. Don’t think of it as losing an ARD, think of it as gaining another one (probably a better one).

Lastly, I want to say something to all of you, but especially to those of you who know me well. Make me proud. Work hard. Celebrate change and don’t fear it or bemoan it. Remember that you always represent something bigger than yourself and that you can’t accomplish anything without the help and support of each other. All of life and it’s history has brought you to this moment. Wether you think it’s fate or just random occurrences think about all the things that had to happen to bring you together into this room. So enjoy it, value it, and take care of each other. 

The Hateable Dwight Howard

Dear Dwight Howard,

Shut up. Seriously. Please shut up. I am tired of hearing from, and about you. And I think I can say that most basketball fans feel them same way to. The big headline coming from Dwight’s sit down interview with ESPN’s Ric Bucher is that Dwight never wanted anyone to hate him. Really, Dwight? Well, you have a funny way of getting people not to hate you.

If you really look at his behavior over the last three years Howard has acted like an insane girlfriend that someone tolerates because they are hot.

First he declared that he wanted to create his own legacy, not follow in other people’s footsteps. An apparent reaction to people claiming that Howard would leave the Orlando Magic for the Los Angeles Lakers just as Shaquille O’Neal once had. He also didn’t want to be compared to the all time great Lakers’ center (George Mikan, Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Shaq)

He then said he wanted to stay in Orlando.

Then he said he wanted to be traded.

Then he said he wanted to stay in Orlando.

People then wonder if Howard will ask Orlando to sign and trade him allowing him to make the maximum amount of money he can make on a new contract before the league's new collective bargaining agreement takes place. A sign and trade, for point of reference, is a loophole in the league's collective bargaining agreement. It incentivizes a player to sign with their current team, who can offer the player more money than another team, but then the team, as part of a mutual agreement will then trade the player to another team who will then inherit the player and their new contract. If Howard failed to sign a new contract with Orlando before it takes place he leaves money on the table. Guess, who failed get a new deal done.

Then he formally demanded a trade, but was only willing to go to one team, the New Jersey Nets.

When the trade couldn’t get done everyone expects Howard, who is unhappy with his General Manager, coach and just demanded a trade, to play out the rest of the season, go into free agency and play for a new team - more than likely the Nets. Instead, Howard inexplicably opts in to his one year extension to stay with the Orlando Magic for the 2012-2013 season. What? Mixed signals much?

Shortly after opting in to his one year extension he goes into ‘I hate it here in Orlando’ mode again and demands that his coach be fired. This leads to one of the great awkward interviews of all time.


Then after the 2011-2012 season ends he demands to be traded again. Again, saying he will only go to the Nets.

And finally, Dwight ‘Don’t compare me to Shaq, I want my own legacy’ Howard agrees to go to the Los Angeles Lakers. That’s right the same team he said he had no interest in going to from the beginning.

Oh and did we forget to mention that Mr. Howard won’t even be ready for the beginning of the season since he is coming off back surgery.

I mean can anyone look at his behavior and say, ‘oh yeah. that’s normal.' The guy acted like a schizophrenic through this entire process. If you don’t want people to hate you then don’t jerk them around. I know some people will say that Dwight was just ‘too nice and he didn’t stand up for himself and what he wanted. He wanted to make Orlando fans happy and that is why he sent mixed signals’. Well, I guess you can make that argument, but it would then be hard to explain that he is no longer in Orlando AND he managed to get his coach and GM fired (oh yea, that happened too). Oh and let’s not forget, he isn’t signed beyond this year so we may have to go through this type of circus again this coming summer. So Dwight, just shut up and play ball. After all, actions speak louder than words right.

Why I Love The Movie BIG

For those of you who are not aware of the 1988 classic BIG let me let you in on a little secret. It is the best and most realistic movie about a 13 year old boy who becomes a 30 year old man overnight after making a wish at a carnival arcade game. Talk about a niche genre.

But seriously in an age of horrible age reversal films (I am looking at you Zack Efron and Chandler from Friends) BIG stands as a testament that these films can be well done. BIG stars Tom Hanks as the adult version of the 13 year old Josh, who becomes a 'big' overnight after making a wish.

From the get go the movie is great because it isn't goofy, zany or too on the nose. When Josh tries to explain to his mother what happens she freaks out thinking that she is being robbed and assumes later that the man who was robbing her has kidnapped her son. Most movies nowadays wouldn't be able to pull this off. The scene would be corny, slap stick, or full of cheap laughs. But in BIG this is actually a pretty intense and sad scene/thread that runs throughout the films. The phone call that the adult Josh makes to his mom later on in the movie is gut wrenching.

Second, their isn't any heavy handed lesson to be learned. The entire tension revolves around Hank's character trying to survive in the adult world and hold on to his childhood self long enough until he can find the arcade game and wish himself back into his childhood.

Lastly, in other movies kids who become adults somehow find a crappy way to become successful teachers, lawyers, fashion designers and so on. In BIG Josh finds success doing something that a 13 year old might actually be good at: making and testing toys.

Plus its got one of the most iconic scenes of all time:

If you have never seen BIG before do yourself a favor and see it as soon as possible.

Go Ahead, Judge. It Might Be The Best Thing You Can Do.

Judge (verb) : to form a judgment  or opinion of; decide upon critically: You can't judge a book by its cover.

A little over three years ago I met a man from Gary, Indiana. He was my boss. Short on stature but big on laughter. In the early days of getting to know him I was struck by a running theme/joke between him and others. Whenever someone made a comment that had even a hint of opinion he would say, “I hear some judgement there.” Or he would sarcastically warn me and other employees, “We do not judge people here.” 

The great irony and what made it even more funny is that he, and everyone that works with him, love to judge those around them. But in the three years that I got to know him as a supervisor, a father figure and a friend I learned a very valuable lesson. You can quietly, and sometimes not so quietly, judge a person’s actions and decisions and still love them as a whole person. There were plenty of times that I did things, said things, or held opinions that he clearly judged to be wrong, self-destructive and in some cases out right dumb. But that is what has made him such a great friend. His judgement comes from a place of caring and not condemnation. He judged without shaming or making me feel inferior. Most importantly he understood that while he can give me his opinion it’s ultimately up to me to make my own decisions. While that might be difficult for him (and others) at times - especially when i was engaging in self-destructive behavior - it was a recognition of my autonomy as a person. Passing judgement while still be caring and supportive is a hire wire act and I am lucky to have met a man who walks it so well.

To make a judgement doesn’t mean you are necessarily condemning someone as a whole. So, don’t be afraid. It can be okay to judge, so long as our judgements aren’t hasty, without empathy and without careful thought. Sometimes judging can be a sign of love. I miss you boss.

Something Special...

Last night was surreal. Kind of an out of body experience. I spent most of the night with 50+ people (most of whom I've only know for about four weeks) as they celebrated the relationships and work they have built for the last few months and (in the cases of some people) years. I spent the night at the end of summer banquet for Rutgers New Student Orientation staff.

The love and joy that I felt in that room was something I haven't felt at a work related event in years. This is not a knock on the people I have worked with previously or the institutions I've worked at. It is much more a commentary about how extraordinarily loving and special this group of young men and women are.

I can't even begin to describe how special it was to watch these folks celebrate one another and tell each other how much they meant to one another, and that's the way it should be. When something like last night happens you shouldn't be able to describe it. Words should fail you. Pictures and sounds should elicit memories that only make sense to a handful of special people.

Before I left my last job a friend told me, "I can't wait for you to leave here and still be miserable." I wasn't sure how to feel about that comment. But it always stuck in the back of my head. I wondered how I would feel about new co-workers, my new students, my new responsibilities. A month in I can report that joining Rutgers has been a great move for me. I feel happy here. I have absolutely loved these students. Their energy is infectious. Their dedication, work ethic and creativity are inspiring. They build Tumblr blogs dedicated to their Orientation groups.
They scan Twitter to reach out to their orientees.
They make lip dub music videos with and for each other 
They perform flash mobs with and for their students. Really fun flash mobs.

I stayed up last night watching clips from their Inside the Orientation Studio series (see second video below) and I couldn't help but smile and laugh.

The most impressive part of all this is that they do it not because someone told them to, or because it's in their job description. They do it because they love what their doing. And because of that, I love what I'm doing too. And I am loving Rutgers.

So thank you, Rutgers NSO staff of 2012. You've made me feel welcomed, loved and left me excited for my Rutgers experience. What more can you ask from an Orientation group? Nothing.

Here are some more videos:

Musings On a Sunday Night

I knew it was going to be hard at times. It’s 8:43pm on a Sunday. Tomorrow I will start work and that will be good. I want to stay busy. The moments I have time to think the more alone I feel. Sometimes I feel like I am in some kind of self imposed exile. It’s rough. But then I have to remind myself that I asked for this and that it will be good for me in the long run.

I am lucky in the sense that I live in a time and age where I can remain connected to my friends and family through the internet. Other people in the past haven’t had that luxury. It provides comfort, but it also can sometimes provide pain. The internet provides me with ways to not just keep in contact but in some ways it serves as a reminder of all that I’ve left behind.

As difficult as this feeling is now, I know that this will be a temporary feeling. Transition has always been difficult for me. I crave stability, even if it isn't positive stability. My move to New Jersey feels anything but stable. My new apartment still kind of feels like a really nice hotel room that I am staying in until I can return home. But I know that someday (hopefully sooner rather than later) this will feel like home.

When I talked to my friends Emily, Terra and Gina about making a move all the way across the country they put things in perspective for me. I admire them and their strength. But I knew there was one thing that they had in their moves that I wouldn’t have. A partner. Changes can be tough for anyone but when you have someone to share the struggles and the triumphs. Making these changes with a partner, I would imagine, makes the transition easier. It makes the lows seem not so loew and it makes the highs feel a little higher. You’re in it together. You’re a team. I don’t have that. I have people who love and support me but they aren’t here. I have to go through this alone. And in the quieter moments when doubts creep in it is really tough. I wish I had someone here with me to help me be stronger.

Hopefully I can push through and be tough. I do want to end though by thanking all the people who have just been so great and loving. You all know who you are. I am going to need y’all as I get settled here. I love y’all.