Go Ahead, Judge. It Might Be The Best Thing You Can Do.

Judge (verb) : to form a judgment  or opinion of; decide upon critically: You can't judge a book by its cover.

A little over three years ago I met a man from Gary, Indiana. He was my boss. Short on stature but big on laughter. In the early days of getting to know him I was struck by a running theme/joke between him and others. Whenever someone made a comment that had even a hint of opinion he would say, “I hear some judgement there.” Or he would sarcastically warn me and other employees, “We do not judge people here.” 

The great irony and what made it even more funny is that he, and everyone that works with him, love to judge those around them. But in the three years that I got to know him as a supervisor, a father figure and a friend I learned a very valuable lesson. You can quietly, and sometimes not so quietly, judge a person’s actions and decisions and still love them as a whole person. There were plenty of times that I did things, said things, or held opinions that he clearly judged to be wrong, self-destructive and in some cases out right dumb. But that is what has made him such a great friend. His judgement comes from a place of caring and not condemnation. He judged without shaming or making me feel inferior. Most importantly he understood that while he can give me his opinion it’s ultimately up to me to make my own decisions. While that might be difficult for him (and others) at times - especially when i was engaging in self-destructive behavior - it was a recognition of my autonomy as a person. Passing judgement while still be caring and supportive is a hire wire act and I am lucky to have met a man who walks it so well.

To make a judgement doesn’t mean you are necessarily condemning someone as a whole. So, don’t be afraid. It can be okay to judge, so long as our judgements aren’t hasty, without empathy and without careful thought. Sometimes judging can be a sign of love. I miss you boss.