Can You Read My Mind, Dani California?

I was thinking about this over the weekend. Who writes weirder more non-sensical lyrics than lead signer and songwriter for the Red Hot Chili Peppers Anthony Kiedis? I think I came up with a decent challenger: Brandon Flowers (lead singer and songwriter for The Killers). I enjoy both bands but let’s look at some of their lesser lyrical work.

Round One

Kiedis/ Suck My Kiss:

K-i-s-s-i-n-g

Chicka chicka dee

Do me like a banshee

Low brow is how

Swimming in the sound

Of bow wow wow

Aw baby do me now

Do me here I do allow

He rhymes “g” with “chicka chicka dee” for God’s sake. And what does “swimming in the sound of bow wow wow” mean? ‘Bow wow’ is the song a dog makes (kinda). What is ‘bow wow wow’?

Flowers/Somebody Told Me:

Somebody told me

You had a boyfriend

Who looked like a girlfriend

That I had in February of last year

It's not confidential

I've got potential

I know this is a very popular song, and even a popular chorus but let’s be honest this is not a good chorus. He rhymes “friend” with “friend” and potential and confidential. And he does it back to back. Usually there is a line in between the rhyming lines. C’mon, Brandon.

Round 2

Flowers/Mr. Brightside:

This is The Killers first big hit. I love singing along to this course. Even though I have no idea what the hell it means!

And I just can’t look - it's killing me

And taking control

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea

Turning through sick lullabies 

Choking on your alibis

But it’s just the price I pay

Destiny is calling me

Open up my eager eyes

‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

We know from the rest of the song that the song’s main character is dying watching the woman he loves with another man. But what is with this chorus? Imagine Brandon sitting down: Jealousy turning saints into cheats? nope. Thieves? … no. I got it! The sea! What the hell? Sick lullabies, choking on alibis. That doesn’t seem like someone with a sunny disposition.

Kiedis/ Californication:

First born unicorn

Hard core soft porn

Dream of Californication

Dream of Californication

What? Kiedis and the boys were sitting around, came up with this and said ‘yup. That’s the chorus.’ What?

Round 3

Flowers/Human:

Are we human or are we dancer?

My sign is vital, my hands are cold

And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

Are we human or are we dancer?

I’m on my knees looking for answer too, Mr. Flowers. What the hell does “are we human or are we dancer?” mean? Why is it dancer and not dancers? And trust me the context of the rest of the song doesn’t help. Am I human? am I dancer? I don't know. But I am definitely angry and confused.

Kiedis/Around The World (the whole thing):

I mean. I don’t even know where to begin with this song. The whole thing is mumbo jumbo, which is probably another RHCP lyric. Let’s just take a look at a few examples from Around the World:

Born in the north

And sworn to entertain ya

'Cause I'm down for

The state of Pennsylvania

First off Kedis wasn’t born in the north (unless he means North America - but that’s a stretch). And why does he have to entertain just because he is supporter of Pennsylvania?

Bonafide ride

Step aside my Johnson

Yes I could

In the woods of Wisconsin

Huh?

Wake up the cake

It's a lake she's kissin' me

As they do when

When they do in Sicily

I don’t understand. How do you wake up a cake? Is this a Sicilian secret? Is the cake a lake? How is this cake/lake kissing him. Are we sure this cake/lake is female? 

My brain hurts.

Conclusion.

I don't know that this is even close. The use of made up words and noises, nonsense phrases, rhyming porn and unicorn. You, Anthony Kiedis are a lyrical genius.