Below is a running diary of my thoughts while watching Madonna's Truth or Dare on Christmas Eve:
Madonna’s hair is constantly being messed with. I think it’s being combed for 78% of her time on screen.
How embarrassed is Warren Beatty to be in this flick? He has the look of a guy who has been caught red handed dating someone he couldn’t possibly be interested in but really wants to have sex with;only he knows that this is now going to be documented on film for eternity. I am surprised he hasn’t destroyed all copies of this film to keep Annette Benning from ever seeing it.
Woah! Kevin Costner mullet alert.
Sylvester Stallone did the voice over for Madonna’s brother Martin.
Woah! Madonna’s bare breast just flashed on the screen. I am now upset that I didn’t see this movie between the ages of 15-18.
Madonna has an old friend named Myra. Backstory on Myra is that she is a former drug absing stripper who had intimate knowledge of Madonna (allegedly). Myra asks for Madonna to be her next kid’s godmother. Madonna does more side stepping and dancing around this request then she’s done at any point on stage. I wonder if the ex-coked out stripper ever got a call from Madonna after the tour was over.
Madonna visiting her mother’s grave seems like a weird perfume/feminine hygiene product commercial if you watch it without audio.
Warren Beatty has a Nostradamus type moment about the future of American society when he looks into a camera and says, “She doesn’t want to live off camera, let alone say anything off camera. Why would you want to say something if it’s off camera? What’s the point of existing?” I’m not sure this isn’t a deleted scene from the Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
Some yahoo DJs interview back up dancers. The DJs seem like they are doing an impersonation of the DJ 3000.
The gay dancers openly mock a dancer who is rumored to be sleeping with Madonna. Who has the deleted the footage of this gay dancers and how can we get it to be released? These fools are hilarious.
Here is a shocker. Madonna is getting her hair done.
I think watching this movie is making Madonna’s current british accent even more ridiculous.
The lack of cell phones or mentions of the internet in this film is becoming distracting.
The back up singers mock the idea of an old Madonna touring and exposing her breasts while preforming on tour. Um … let’s move on.
Sandra Berndhart sighting. This movie has become a slow death march. I think running a half marathon seemed shorter and less painful.
Antonio Banderas shows up
I think I’ve now come up with a rule for a Madonna: Truth or Dare drinking game: drink anytime someone who she is rumored to have had some kind of sex with shows up on screen (Beatty x 2, stripper, Bernhardt, Banderas, Oliver her dancer).
Madonna just gave felatio to a bottle. I still want this move to be over.
Oh, wait. Sean Penn was just mentioned does that count as a drink?
Two hours later and that is a wrap. My only question is has Lady Gaga decided to rip off the idea of doing a tour documentary too?
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