How Does This Make Any Sense...

So after watching the World Cup for the last two weeks I have come to a single conclusion. Watching players complain to referees during these games is the most puzzling thing in sports. In a game between Slovokia and the U.S. you have players getting in the face of officials from Italy and the Netherlands. While watching this all i can think is, "there's no way these people can understand each other right?" They might as well be playing pictionary or charades with one another. I am just saying.

I Travel Where the Terrorist Don't

I have made my summer travel arrangements! I will be headed to Toledo, Ohio and Raleigh, North Carolina. It may not sound like the most fun destinations when you compare it places like Chicago, Miami, New York, Boston, but it's got fun people that I care about and that's all that matters.
Here is the other upside. I am confident that my plane will not have terrorists on it. I feel a 100 percent confident that no terrorist has ever though/said: 'we need to hijack a plane. I know, let's hijack the one going to Toledo, Ohio.' My vacation destinations totally fly under the terrorists' radar. No pun intended. I don't think there are going to be any attacks on North Carolina anytime soon. By the way, if the terrorists really wanted to go after the infidels why wouldn't they attack the midwest and south. The south is populated by white, conservative christians and yet no attacks from muslim extremists. Instead they are constantly attacking large metropolitan areas filled with muslims, liberals, people of color, so on and so forth.

Anyway, good people, good times and no terrorists plots. Three ingredients for a perfect vacation. Well, that and these two characters:

Firsts...

This year (more specifically the last few months, has seen quite a number of "firsts" for me. For instance, it took me nearly 27 years for me to have my first grilled cheese sandwich. I gotta tell ya, it lived up to the hype. How could two pieces of bread and cheese taste so darn good. throw in a couple of chicken strips on the side and you have a meal fit for a five year old. Just two weeks ago I had another dining related first. My first trip to the Olive Garden. I couldn't believe the looks of shock and disgust I have gotten from my friends when I told them I had never been to Olive Garden. It was OK. Nothing to write home about (but worthy of an honorable mention here on the blog).

Which brings me to some other first. Six years ago I went on my first airplane trip. LA > SAC. I was definitely nervous. the thought of being a 21 year old with no traveling experience getting inside a metal and plastic tube and being hurdled through the year was enough to make me uneasy. But I served. During my stay in Sacramento I experienced another first. My first bagel. Yup I was 21 when I had my first bagel. A lot of people don;t believe me when I say this or they are incredulous with their response but you can't blame me. I come from a mexican family. We don't eat bagels. We have pan dulce or tortillas with everything. By the way we also have rice with just about every damn meal. We don;t need to introduce any more carbs into our diet.

I am usually "late to the dance" when it comes to doing things. For example, I was 21 when I got my drivers license.

Well, a week after turning 27 its fun to think of what other "delayed" firsts are headed my way.

Krispy Kreme

Last week I went to Krispy Kreme and picked up 15 dozes donuts (don't ask). However, I have noticed something about going to Krispy Kreme. Nobody is happy to work there. It's the strangest thing in the world. You have all these beautiful pastries. It smells like a dream. Everyone is in white. And yet, when you look at the employees they are just dead behind the eyes. Thy look like they want to put their head in that little oven conveyor belt thing. Everyone looks like they are indentured servants. I just imagine them sleeping in the store and never being allowed to leave. I'm not kidding. Whenever I walk in there I feel like I should refer my cashier to the suicide help hotline.
I have only seen Krispy Kreme employees happy ONCE! I was ordering 20 dozen donuts and a FORMER employee came in. I got completely ignored midway through my order and everyone came from behind the counter and mobbed this woman. The smiles on their faces were from ear to ear. I can't even do the smiles justice. They were giddy. It was the kind of giddiness that little kids get on Christmas morning. They went up to her and hugged her, kissed her on the cheek and just chatted it up while I just stood there watching. They looked at her as if to say, "oh my God, how did you escape. Why are you risking it by coming back her. But while you are here tell us how you managed to get out of here! Quick! The person keeping us here went out for a smoke..."

Things I Didn't Think I'd Hear and One Hit Wonders...

I have a new running theme that I look forward to each day. I wait to hear the most absurd comment that there is no way I could have guessed I would have heard when I woke up that morning. For example, yesterdays winner:

"I don't kid around when it comes to hand jobs." There is no way I could have guessed anyone would have told me that yesterday and that it would have made perfect sense. I am going to try to keep track of these and share them as good ones come along.

Also yesterday I was driving in my car and I heard the song Crush by Jennifer Paige. First thoughts, "holy crap. It has been YEARS since I have heard this song." I felt like I was in some kind of weird time machine. The only question was, how far back in time did I travel. Well crush came out in 1998 which puts me at the ripe old age of 15. Listening to this song also made me think, are there anymore One Hit Wonders? I feel like if you have one hit song now you are guaranteed at least one more because radio stations or MTV will just shove the music and the artist it down your throat. There is no way Jennifer Paige is just a one hit wonder if she comes out in 2007 or 2008. She has at least another hit and then a moderate hit on a second album right. Maybe she gets hooked up with rapper and parlays that into a fourth top 40 song. I'm just saying - is she any worse than the other pop acts we have now? No - but some how these people hang around like a bad case of herpes.

It's incredible to me that in an age were music is so disposable the artist aren't. Pop artist just keep hanging around and hanging around and hanging around. Ms. Paige you were just a few years too soon or you could have had a career spanning atleast a couple of years.

Things I Don't Want To Know...

I was hanging out with a friend on Friday night and they shared this little tidbit with me. "1 out of every 4 people under the age of 78 dies from some form of cancer." The person threw out this statistic out of nowhere. We weren't talking about death or cancer. Dropping random factoids into conversations is what this person does. For example, did you know that pigeons and cats have the greatest genetic diversity among animals. Thats the type of off the wall info I get from this friend. But thats not exactly my point here. My point is that if you know something like that cancer stat - keep it to yourself!

Yes, I know its an interesting fact but no one wants to hear about how their going to die! You know why dogs are so happy? Because they don't realize that they only have 10-13 years to live. Its Friday night and people are having a good time. No need to be Dr. Death and have me start worrying about what form of cancer is going to kill me. I've said it once and I will say it again. There are just somethings I don't want to know. It's a curse to be smart. Having too much information/knowledge makes you, what I call, "hyper-aware". People who are too smart can't act without over thinking/analyzing everything. They can't relax. They are stress balls. Life is easier when you are dumb. If I want to know about causes of death I will look at a medical publication. Other than that, let me be unaware. As the old adage says, ignorance is bliss: especially when it comes to telling me how I am going to die.

Proactive Commercials...

Proactiv is a creme that is sold with the promise that it cures acne. When I first saw the Proactiv commerical its spokesperson was P. Diddy of all people. Diddy needed Proactiv to keep his sexy right. You don't understand the man needed to protect his silk smooth skin!

As ridiculous, and LONG, as these commercials can be the thing that bugs me is the use of regular people and celebrities in these things. The celebrity talk about how they were horrified to walk on the red carpet or be on a photo shoot because they had a "break out." Thats the actual photo of Katy Perry they used as an example of her acne "problem".

They then cut to a regular Joe who looks like Two-Face to give their testimonial. I wonder how those people feel when they watch these commercials. How pissed must they be? I would be f'ing insulted to watch a celebrity make a big deal about a few pimples when my face looks like a pizza! And what about the people watching. If people with real acne felt bad about their looks before they must be absolutely devastated after watching Proactiv commercials. Do they even sell any of their kits or do they just drive all their potential clients to suicide?