Somethings I Have Learned About Myself...

1. I am a horrible judge of milk pouring. I always ruin my cereal by pouring too much milk. I can never do it right. I always think, "its not enough milk" or "maybe just a little more" and then I finish I look at the jug of milk I have basically poured half the gallon into this damn bowl. If anyone has any tips please let me know.

2. No matter how bad a day I have at work I know I didn't have nearly as bad a day as now former light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida. As frustrating and soul crushing as my job may be I never look like this afterwards...

Random Thoughts...

1. Iron Man 2 is a good movie. I was nervous this weekend when I saw some friends say that they thought it was just an OK movie. But I went to go see it Sunday morning and I sat there waiting to be disappointed. I absolutely loved the first 45 minutes of the movie, and the rest of it too of course, but especially the first 45 minutes. I am not usually a summer blockbuster person, and I am usually disappointed by comic book movies. Plus, I was super afraid of Micky Rourke going over the top playing a Russian villain, but I thought this sequel was pulled off really well. Great actors, a lot of laughs and the action sequences were cool without dragging on forever (which is a pet peeve of mine).

2. I love Kevin Smith. I just love listening to hear him talk. The next time he is anywhere in Southern California giving one of his lectures I am there.

3. What is wrong with Brett Michaels. I felt bad a couple of weeks ago because after learning that he suffered a brain hemorrhage I made a "every rose has its thorn jokes." Everyone looked at me like was an a-hole, which was the correct response. But then I see a People Magazine at the grocery store and I see this picture...

I look at the inset picture (the one taken in the hospital) and all I could think was, "what the f***? Are you serious? Even after a brain hemorage this dude still rocking a bandana?" Does he really think he is fooling any of us into thinking he isn't bald. And by the way, even if he is concerned with people seeing he is going bald, you can give it a rest after you almost died. You should really just be focused on your health at that point. I'm just sayin'.

80s Night...

Tonight was a surreal experience. I went out to put gas in my car and go grocery shopping. I pull into the ARCO station and as I open the door and put my foot out of the car the first guitar licks from ZZ Top's Sharp Dressed man played. Freaking awesome. It was like I was in a movie. A comedy, of course. No better comedic timing than having a guy in gym shorts and a white shirt get out of his car while Sharp Dressed Man is playing.

Link to Sharp Dressed Man

Fast forward to the checkout counter at the Grocery Store. The checkout woman, who looks like she is maybe in her late twenties asks me what I am listening to. I tell her I am listening to a news podcast. She looks at me and says, "you mean you're not listening to My Girl Wants to Party All the Time by Eddie Murphy. Thats my favorite song of all time."

Thats right. Her favorite song of all time is Part All the Time by Eddie Murphy. Awesome. She told me that it always makes her want to dance and she can't be in a bad mood when she hears it. My friends, please enjoy Mr. Murphy at the peak of his musical powers (notice the cameo by Rick James). One of the best worst music videos ever. I love how psyched everyone gets over Eddie's vocals stating at the 2:50 mark.

This is Why...

Why are my beloved Dodgers in such bad shape? Why are the struggling at every turn? I have the answer. Driving out of LA on 5 freeway and I saw this. I was in fucking shock!!!

Over the last month I have been trying to decide which is the more embarrassing association I have in my life: being a catholic or being a Dodger fan? Well this made my decision easy - being a Dodger fan.

Why in God's good name would the advertising team ever - I mean EVER - allow Justin fucking Beiber to be part of the marketing campaign for one of the greatest and most storied baseball franchises in history. He is fucking 15 and Canadian. Has he ever been to a baseball game? This is a million times worse than the Angels decision to let a monkey be the face of their franchise for 10 years! Seriously, a monkey was a better marketing decision than this!

Frank McCourt has got to be the worst owner in all of sports. He can't afford a decent veteran starter but he hires staff who will sign off on this kind of bullshit pandering.

And who is this kind of advertising meant for? Have the people who decided this was a good idea ever gone to a Dodger game. Look at your fans for Christ's sake. How many of the bald dudes, with Raider tattoos and wearing loc sunglasses are buying Justin Beiber albums? How many of the middle aged Jewish men who go to games have "Beiber fever"?

The Dodgers - dare I say it - are doomed. At least until that billboard comes down.

Preferred Parking...

Preferred parking. For years people try to entice us with the offer of preferred parking. But is preferred parking that great? Not really. Preferred parking allows you to park closer to the venue. But is that a good thing. At then end of a concert or a game I don't want to be farthest away from the exit, I want to be closest to the exit. Nothing is worse than realizing that you have payed an extra 15 dollars to fight everyone who parked general admission to get out of the freaking parking lot.

From now on there should be a preferred "get me the hell out of this parking lot" parking. I don't care how they do it. Airlift my car out of the parking lot. Invest in the creation of some kind of escape pods for people who pay for the preferred parking. What about some kind of secret tunnel.

All I am saying is that preferred parking is a scam. The 5 minutes I save walking isn't worth the eternity it takes to get the hell out of The Verizon Amphitheater.

Birthdays...

So I was thinking recently...Has facebook ruined the act of wishing someone a happy birthday? Wishing someone a happy birthday was traditionally a sign that someone had invested the time and energy needed to remember your birthday, mark it on the calendar, go to a store and buy a card or even go online and find an e-card to send.

But facebook has ruined all that.

Wishing someone a happy birthday is only part of it value. Its real worth comes in knowing that someone has burned some calories in order to remember your birthday and send a message. Wishing someone a happy birthday shouldn't be too easy. I want to know that the person sending me a birthday message had put some time and energy into remembering my birthday. Facebook undermines that.

People no longer need to put their friend's birthdays on a calendar. People no longer need to remember their friend's birthday. Facebook is doing for birthdays what cell phones did for phone numbers. People don't need to remember either because technology will remember it for them. Facebook removes the value from someone wishing you a happy birthday. I honestly get a bigger kick out of someone sending me a happy birthday text three days late then someone writing a note on my wall. Why? Because I figure that the person who sent the text actually had to burn some calories in order to remember my birthday. With the facebook wall post I don't know if the person actually remembered my birthday or if they saw a reminder while they were stalking someone from high school.

Old People Can Be Cocky...

I was at Costco last week buying some items for work when I noticed something. I was the youngest person in the Costco by, oh I don't know, at least a prehistoric period. I didn't mind. The driving around the parking lot was complicated by little old ladies trying to look over the steering wheel. Cute little elderly couples shuffling their feet as they try, emphasis on the word try, to move swiftly through the aisles. But thats OK by me. It's nice to see older folks out and about. But then it dawned on me, what are people with one foot in the grave doing at a place that sells things in bulk?

When it comes right down to it is a mixture of cockiness and defiance. 'F*** you Grim Reaper - this 74 year old is planning on living long enough to finish these eight 5 gallon jugs of Clamato.' I was impressed and put off all at once. I kept thinking if I were this old there is no way I am buying anything in bulk. I know tomorrow isn't guaranteed to anyone, but come on, a seventy year old buying what amounts to a years worth of soup? Thats confidence!